Wanting to move ( forward)
At 53 you would think that the past is just that...the past. I find myself to this day , feeling pangs of abandonment, and am paralyzed by these feelings. I can't shake it off and I get stuck. An example woulld be my husband going for a week trip to come back to no hugs or affection.
I know he loves me dearly , however I get a feeling that a peck on the cheek and nice to have you back comment feels so empty inside.
I want him to take me in his arms giving me a huge hug and ask have his full attention if only for an hour. It doesn't happen. I then start to get anxiety, and bitter and close down. It then turns into more frustration and I can't tell him how I feel without sounding selfish, and then the I do this for you list comes about. Along with this and feeling more abandoned, I'm reminded that you have to get over your childhood issues and know I love you, just not the way you want me to to....give me a peck on the cheek and rolls over.
I don't know where to go with this. I hurt more, I get angry, and more lonely. I then go back to "am I being selfish", and am reminded by even my children, that I don't appreciate the other things his does for me. One confused woman!