Trying to hold my family together....


(Fargo, ND)

My boyfriend of 10 years, now fiance and getting married in a week has deep wounds from his abandonment issues as a child. His mother did cocaine before and while she was pregnant with him. My fiance's dad had no idea she had been doing cocaine until my fiance was born. He was born with a tetralogy of fallot. Which means he was born with a hole in his heart that effected the blood flow in and out of his heart. He had many, many heart surgeries as a baby and young child. At a young age his mother sold him for $5,000 to his dad's dad. She wanted nothing to do with my fiance and his heart issues. My fiance's dad had told her she was always welcome to see her son. She saw him only a handful of times as a young adult. My fiance's dad remarried and they had my fiance's little sister. His little sisters mom could not stand my fiance. She abused him physically, when his dad had finally found out it was almost too late. The damage had been done. On top of many abusive occasions, one for example would be making him stand outside, naked in the cold all night. Later my fiance had been raped several times as a young adult, punched, and kicked in the head. His dad took her to counseling and she revealed all this. That's the time the abuse stopped because he divorced her. After a nasty divorce my fiance as a young adult had been accused of raping his own sister and they were taken to court many times over the matter. My fiance now being in his middle 20's has severe abandonment issues, alcohol issues, money issues, and sometimes has tendencies to act like as if he was still a child. Cartoons, cant handle an argument without saying things a child would. His family and also my family have come to our wits end and not sure where to begin with him. When you are apart of him on a daily basis the outcome of the abandonment issues become noticeably severe and almost too much to deal with. I am 16 weeks pregnant and a week away from a wedding and all I can think of is counseling. I can say I dont fully understand the issues he has but am willing to do what it takes to help him. There is also a little voice in the back of my head that also keeps telling me he might be too damaged for me to help and he may never be healed. I am at a loss....

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to The Iceberg Discussion Forum.