Trying to enable a passive aggressive woman.

by glen
(Bris, Qld Australia)

After ten years of living with a female passive aggressive I now fully recognise I was an enabler. As would be expected with a passive aggressive I am to blame for everything and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She is a victim of everything I have done and not done, said or not said. I look at the list provided by the author of this site and see many of my traits I adopted trying to help my wife. And yes I love her very deeply and probably will for a long time. To a degree it is an addiction in it's own right. I actually sacrificed my career trying to help her.I recognise I have been in the chronic phase as defined by the author for the last four years and my health has been deteriorating. I was recently told by my doctor my kidneys are failing.

I am well aware of where I am heading so I have to get off the merry go round I have been on and get back to living a life. I have a young son who I am now raising alone. He needs me after she abandoned him when she left for the second time. Yes I took her back once before and stayed faithful to her. If anyone has lived with a passive aggressive then you will understand how I am feeling and what I have been living with. I have stopped taking the blame for everything that has happened and creating excuses for her behaviors. I know I deserve better and could easily find someone but not for a while. I have wondered if it is grief or fear of grief that has kept me as an enabler. But deep inside I know it's love. I know she is hurting and it just tears me up to see it. The question is would she give up her life for me because that's what I doing for her. So tonight I told her it was over and now I have just got to stop myself from changing my mind.

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