Thoughts & Comments: On what to expect/how to deal with someone with abandonement issues?

by Mel
(Cape Town, SA)

I have recently been getting to know a guy better that was abandoned - his father left his mother, older sister and himself when he was very young.

One evening I bluntly asked him about his father and he responded quite calmly and matter-of-factly, "I dont know. He left when I was 4. I don't care about him." When i extended my sympathies and care he accepted and appreciated it and said that I didnt need to worry as he was very small when it happened so he doesnt remember much. He is an extremely level-headed, stable and easy going person - its like nothing gets him down! I didnt feel any hesitation or a "back off vibe" from him when I broached the subject either.

Since I've grown up in a home where my parents were together (still are) and were always there for me I feel a little as if I need to be aware and willing to understand somehow. Prepared? Haha!:)

If anyone has any experience in relationships with an abandoned person or has a past of abandonment I would really love and appreciate your perspective and feedback!

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Jun 05, 2012
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Broad topic
by: Don

Hi!

The reason there are hundreds of pages on this site is because it takes that many to answer your question about what to expect. :)

And it is possible that another male figure came into his life that helped him adjust better than he might have. So you may not experience any trouble at all.

Usually, we attract and are attracted to people who are on our same level of functioning (or dys-functioning) So if you have no issues and he does there is not likely going to be a lot of "chemistry" pulling you together.

Just some thoughts,
Don

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