The unexpected reaction which leads to mistrust of self

by S
(UK)

I have just been reading over the abandonment page and in particular felt thought.

I have experienced abandonment issues as a child and as a 35 year old women am still struggling with them everyday. This felt thought and the issues around how deep abandonment is stored make it all so, so hard to heal. It's all very well studying mindfulness and positive behavior but sometimes I can just react to something in such a huge, overwhelming way and it will take me so long to heal my bruised insides afterwards. The worst thing is that because of this I can't trust myself. How can I when I am not sure when I am going to feel terrified and what will cause it?
Anyway,I am rambling! I just wanted to say how bloody hard it is to getb to the bottom of thse type of issues.

My concentration is all over the place, this is also explained in the Childhood Abandonment notes. I always try to keep an eye on everything that is happening which leads to lack of focus on just one thing....

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Apr 29, 2013
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Concentrating the mind
by: Anonymous

Hi S,

I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 50 (actually I pretty much diagnosed myself but eventually found a psychiatrist who concurred with my suspicions). For many years I struggled with inattentiveness and anxiety which in my view was linked to many years of emotional neglect. 12 years of living in boarding schools from the age of 5 left me with some challenges. It gave me a sort of automatic "radar system" that scanned the environment for threats 24/7.

Actually this "radar" served me well in my work and I was usually one step ahead of potential problems but in the end my work fell away and my marriage collapsed too.

Now I am living in a foreign country on my own with no work and very few friends. The solitude and peace has (inadvertently) given me an opportunity to turn inwards and look at what was driving me.

Now I try to let my "inner guide" set the agenda for each day. I do one thing at a time and do not try to do too much. Sometimes I write down a list of things to do, making sure I only have one or maybe two main goals or tasks each day. I also let myself have plenty of time for exploring and meandering - something that my ADD brain loves to do. It is also one of our strengths - being open minded and able to change course easily.

The really new thing for me now is that I am gentle with myself. I used to push myself a lot and now I don't - I just let myself enjoy the day and take things more slowly. In a way I feel that I am leading a more "soulful" life and the soul loves peace and simplicity and honesty and is not interested in rushing around to achieve in order to impress other people. It's a slow process and a whole new way to live. I am slowly getting to like my own company and to actually "like myself"!

By that I mean enjoying my own company and feeling fulfilled just being on my own and living oh so simply.


Oct 10, 2012
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Take care of the vulnerable you.
by: Don

Hi S,

You are so right, the wonderful techniques we have for managing our emotions only go so far. I think it is because sometimes we need to feel our feelings, find out what they are trying to tell us, and respond appropriately to the message we get.

Mindfulness can help with that...just be with the feeling, allow it to exist, turn inward and ask for the part responsible for the hyper-vigilance to tell you what is the positive intention of creating that feeling. Then carry on a dialog, get to know that part of you...maybe even see it out in front of you so you can talk like two people (but don't do this in public! :)

Blessings,
Don

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