The Role of a Higher Power

by Wendy Parker
(Texas)

I was sexually abused by my father for about 14 years, my mother would set me up for the abuse. Although we weren't religious, really, I must have learned something, because I always knew there was a Higher Power, which I called God, at the time.

"Suffer the little children to come unto me" was always something I remembered. I would pray to that God all the time, to make this stop, but it never did. I was left with an innate understanding that there was a God, but he wasn't there for me, for some reason.

I was a paramedic and now a nurse in the emergency room. I have had amazing things happen, when I was a paramedic, I just "knew" where the house was where we needed to be, I had things "appear" that I needed, when they weren't there. I have been able to connect with people who have dementia etc., just such amazing things, so I KNOW there is something more than we see and understand.

I can see how what happened to me made me be able to understand things a certain way and so it is a gift but there is still that feeling of not being able to trust. I know that there is a Higher Power and on some level I know that it is working for me, but I am afraid of what that Higher Power has in store for me. I have learned that just because I want something, does not mean I will get it.

Everything has always worked out for the best, but I have had such a cost, such a terrible journey, at times, to get to where I am. I am afraid to wonder, what this Higher Power has in store for me next.