Son thrown out but now in council flat refuses to acknowledge any bills and may land up homeless

Our son (22 years old) has been thrown out of family home for lying, stealing, and getting into serious debt, and refusing to acknowledge his mess! i therefore leaving us to deal with phone calls letters, etc.

I helped him become rehoused in local council flat, and due to him being unemployed, many of his bills are paid for him at the moment, this will not always be the case!

We have tried continuously to get him to take responsibility for his debts, living costs etc, but he completely ignores all advice given! It seems unless he is taken by the hand, he sits back and does nothing!

We are moving overseas shortly and I refuse to continue giving him money to help when he wastes it on non essentials, ignoring important bills, like rent. He has been informed he will land up homeless again or worse if he continually ignores paying his rent. I am met with a blank stare!

How can I stop worrying and get on with my life as I should?

Comments for Son thrown out but now in council flat refuses to acknowledge any bills and may land up homeless

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May 25, 2014
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Detach with Love
by: Don Carter

Hi,

Sorry, we cannot help you stop worrying about someone you love - I would worry if we could. :)

As far as supporting your decision to let him go and turning him over to his own devices I, for one, am totally on board with that - as long as there is no good reason that he cannot do what the rest of us have done by becoming self sufficient.

To continue doing things for him that he should be doing for himself is inviting dependency which interferes with the natural and healthy struggle to self-actualize.

When I look around at the world and all the supports and services in place, I see a whole system fostering dependency. It's like patting people on the shoulder and saying, "Yes, we agree with you. You don't have what it takes. You'll never make it on your own and you need us to do it for you."

This is not to say that there is no need for supports and services, sure there is a need. But to the extent that we see it now? No way, pain and discomfort are our friends... they motivate us to change what we are doing and push us to get creative and figure things out. They push us to self-actualize and become independent, free thinkers.

Thanks for sharing,
Don


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