Realizing I was raised to be an enabler

I am 60 years old and have just recently realized that I was raised to be my mother's enabler. Dad got his fill of it after about 10 years. My brother left after another 10 years and now has very little to do with her. Her second husband was her enabler for about 20 years before she literally sucked the life out of him. After that there were several relationships that did not turn out well due to their uncooperative behavior. Then there was Richard who enabled her for about 20 years before she once again sucked the life out of another one. So then it was my turn. I have done everything I could to try to make her happy. I finally realized that she was sucking the life out of me also and have started pulling away. She is now one of those poor old ladies in a nursing home who nobody wants to visit. I am so tired of the employees at the nursing home tell me she is such a nice person. I realize that it doesn't do any good to tell them what a manipulative person she is. They will find out for themselves eventually.

I feel sorry for her. She is 82 years old and nobody who really knows her wants to have anything to do with her. I continue to take care of her bills even though she continues to tell everybody she can that I have locked her up and am stealing her money. Yes, she has been diagnosed with dementia, but this is not new behavior, only escalated. She has always been a bully when she didn't get her way. My brother and I were frequently beaten for her unhappiness.

I realize that I really need some therapy and am looking for someone to help me get my head on straight.

Thanks for listening.

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May 25, 2014
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Glad you are here...
by: Don Carter

Hi

Thanks for sharing! I am happy to hear that you are taking steps to get help for you. Being raised by a wounded parent, wounds the children. Those wounds can fester and grow even in adulthood unless they are attended to with support, recovery, and healthy coping skills.

I hope to see updates about your progress because lots of people read these posts and you can show others what works for you. For some people, if it works for you it may work for them.

Keep coming back!
Don

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