Realizing Bigger Picture

by Elizabeth
(Maryland)

I am realizing how the pain of abandonment, the level right before the true self, is the culprit of many losses in my life. What introduced me to even the word "abandonment" was an ex-boyfriend who's behavior triggered the unveiling of my false self.

When I got to the pain of abandonment, I understood why I dodged it for so long. I could barely handle the pain as an adult, much less as a child! Today, I am healing from the end of that relationship and I thought this stuff only applied to relationships with significant others. Now I am realizing that the abandonment from my parents (which lacked basic parenting influences, mainly mirroring or validating what I am sensing about my environment, especially developing my identity and place in the world) is the culprit for vocational confusion. I have been operating in the Iceberg vocationally with an invented self. In fact, I was so numb that I combined my personal and professional life and invented it together!

It brings me great sorrow to turn around today, armed with all this information, and truly understand what happened to me. The loss is complicated and compounded as I applied what I DID learn about how to survive in life to my adulthood. However, today, I am sensing my true self finally surface, something I have been seeking how to do for a very long time. Thanks, THAW!!!!

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Jan 20, 2011
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Thank you!
by: Anonymous

Thank you, both, so much for your validation, support, and for going there before!

Jan 20, 2011
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Can Relate to Abandonment
by: Brenda - Columbia MO

Hi Elizaabeth,
Thanks for posting. Your story sounds much like mine with the childhood experience of abandonment, the realization of the impact that poor parental influences have played out throughout my adult life, and the sorrow that came with the discovery of it all. Gratefully the sorrow has turned to hope though as I work on practicing self-love and reparenting my inner child and leaning on my higher power through it all. It is working --- I feel more of an inner peace than I've ever felt and many people have told me that I seem much happier than I used to be.

Don, I really liked your response... "This explains why we are celebrating recovery one day and crying the next. The best news is that one day the grieving WILL end, but recovery keeps on getting better!" ... I needed to read that today! Throughout my recovery to this point, I've struggled to understand why I could feel so great one day and be crying the next. I thought I just wasn't getting it on the crying days.

Jan 19, 2011
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Welcome Elizabeth!
by: Don

Hi Elizabeth,

Thanks for highlighting the importance of grief in early recovery. Abandonment is loss...and loss requires healing through the process of identifying what has been lost and grieving those losses. With a whole lifetime of "backlogged" losses the accumulated pain can feel unbearable at first - even to an adult.

And you point out another very important thing - that you don't have to wait for the grieving to be finished in order to begin experiencing the gift of recovery - reconnecting to your True Self!!

This explains why we are celebrating recovery one day and crying the next. The best news is that one day the grieving WILL end, but recovery keeps on getting better!

Keep coming back!!
Don

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