Please help me help my daughter

by Mary
(Illinois)

My daughter is 21 and about to have a baby, the problem is she is still in love with the baby's father a 24 year old herion addict that has been to Jail and in and out of rehab. He is now on soboxen and she seems to think he is cured. How can I get her to realize she deserves better. He cant support his self let alone her and the baby. He never takes her anywhere unless it is free...has no car, works a few side jobs. When he has money it gone on other thing's. All he gives her are promisses.

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Apr 07, 2012
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Look to supporting the next generation
by: Juhli

Hi Mary, I too have a daughter in similar circumstances. She must be allowed to follow her path in life, what ever that life path is. By being a presence in the life of the grandchild, being the example, showing the love, kindness and joy that a child needs, it becomes possible to make the best of what may be viewed as a bad situation.

Mar 09, 2012
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On loan...
by: Don

Hi Mary,

I am sorry to tell you that it is out of our hands now... it is out of my hands, and it is out of your hands. If you try to "get through to her" you are enabling the problem. She has to do the research.

If she cannot detach from a heroine addict she is in too deep and you can't pull her out, it is like quicksand...the harder you struggle the worse it gets.

I like to think of it like this: My kids were on loan to me until they reached a certain age. After that they belong to life and to God. These are the things that will get through to her. Life will teach her a few things along this road she is on. God will be there if and when she cries out to Him.

While you can't pull her out of it you may be able to pray her out of it. She has free will though so it depends a lot on her threshold for pain. and who knows...maybe this kid she loves will get into recovery - it happens!

Take some time and read a few of the stories here in the Enabling Forum...you are at the beginning of a long road you DON'T have to go down. Please read the stories.

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