Out of the blue

by stunned
(virginia)

I was talking to a colleague that showed me a video of her daughter at piano recital. All of a sudden, I remembered my mom and I having a fight right before my recital at about the age of 10. Not only did I have to walk there alone, she never showed. I kept imagining she was there somewhere watching but when I got home, she was in the kitchen, as usual. I never thought about that much until similar situations happened in real life recently.

It seems that ever time I have had surgery or an accident, I am at the hospital alone. Anger is a a justifiable reason to let me go through something on my own. Anything is a good reason. I wonder if I attract people that find it so easy to leave me especially when I need them the most.

I recently tried to quit a job and they wouldn't let me go. I wondered why it felt so good and now I realize why. They, however, still harbor resentment for me having wanting to leave them in the first place. It's an endless cycle of neglect and blame.

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