No resolution, is it over this time?

by Dan
(NY)

My wife & I have been married 37 years. Through the years, it feels like we just continue cycling back to the same place. Logically, we both know that the changes in our relationship (& ourselves personally) has moved mountains and matured through the years but when we do have a conflict, it always feels like we're back in the same place as our earlier conflicts.

I came from a very dysfunctional & unloving family, my wife came from a very loving family with some dysfunction. We have both worked hard through the years resolving most of our childhood and marriage issues but when we have conflict many of the old feelings come back strong for both of us. We end up churning up bad feelings from years ago.

About eight years ago, we separated for a year and ended up spending many of our dinner hours & lots of other free time together. We worked out many of our issues and got back together. Things went great for awhile and slowly moved right back to the way we were.

After 37 years of marriage we both feel like things should be easier now but it seems like the same old struggles just keep repeating. Does this endless cycle ever stop? Is there a way to stop it?

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