No i love you's when i was a kid

by sampoo
(Sydney, Australia)

Just came across this site as I scramble and google words that relates to my dying relationship. Been asking myself and seeking how come my relationships have not worked.

I am a Christian and five years ago have "accepted" that my attraction are with females as well.. Females who externally look like snubs, frank and straight in your face talkers but emotionally hurting. Somehow I get attracted to these types and their aloofness became a challenge to conquer. I then become someone who focus and make sure their needs and boredom go away . One who finds what makes them happy. BTW these individuals are bored with life too.
And I and my needs slowly disappear as their needs become a priority.

I realise that an unresolved issue I have could be the cause of abandonment and the lack of attention I got as a kid. My mom was too busy working - I cant remember being hugged nor heard the word I Love you growing up.

And now i know I have a hard time saying I love you to my family or anyone. I also don't like hugs or any form of public intimacy.

Screwed up on the inside just as I battle my sexual preference and belief in God.

I feel I am digging with my bare hands on a very dry land for answers. Just writing this now was like ughhh..

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