New to healing
I am new to recognizing and healing my abandonment issues because i just realized what was going on with me. I am 43 years old and have always struggled and failed at all relationships. I have abandonment and sexual abuse history that I am ok with - just that I am not ok with this constant weight and feelings of failure and being lost. Everyone thinks I am so kept together and perfect from the outside but on the inside I am dying. I am ready to heal and understand myself. I understand that my parents did the best they could and I appreciate that. But I don't understand it. As a parent myself I would never let things happen to my children that happened to me. All of those things in my past have made me who I am today but I just want to understand myself better. I am a person who does not like relationships - especially for someone to love me. I hate it and run from those people immediately.