Need help Reprogramming Severe Abandonment Issues that are destroying my life.

by Beth
(Calgary)

I have ruined another wonderful relationship because of my abandonment and anger issues. I have no idea exactly what triggers me but I pick fights and argue and I can be so mean! I'm a kind, giving compassionate person and was on my way to getting engaged and my fiancé to be can't handle the fighting anymore and neither can I. I am desperate to rid myself of whatever this is! It's anxiety, depression, anger, rage and craziness all mixed together. If my boyfriend said the wrong thing at the wrong time look out! I'm 43 and have repeated this pattern my entire life. I have chased amazing men out of my life because I'm afraid they will leave me. Every time I argue with someone I break up with them. I am scared of what this will do to me. I am so depressed that I have ended another relationship out of fear and my anxiety is beyond overwhelming. My father committed suicide when I was 7 months old and I've had so many incidents of abandonment. I'm sure this has contributed to my problem. It's interesting that my dad had the exact same issues and I respond the exact same way that he did when my mom would do something innocent and he would react in rage. I completely understand what he was thinking and I never met him. I'm convinced its cellular memory but I've tried everything from hypnosis to eft to body talk and reiki to heal this to no avail. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Beth

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Apr 15, 2016
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Abandonment issues
by: Anonymous

I hate to say this, you will continue to have these feelings as long as you give them power. It is odd how we are effected by what we were told growing up. Obviously you did not remember your father, as I don't remember my father leaving.

I can't believe you would throw something that was real. A relationship is two people and you must not felt as if you were getting what you need.

Relationships are work, hard work. I believe our bodies tell us if things are not what we really want of course until we have lost it. We panic, blame ourselves, blame our mothers an on an on.

Give yourself a break, learn who you are what you want and most of all evaluate what love is to you.

We all have a different perception of love. This is what we learned, putting yourself down is not loving yourself, it will be very hard to love another, if you can't even like you.

I would take this opportunity to grow and learn who and what love is.

Good luck, the universe is rejecting these relationships because it is protecting you from what you truly deserve. When you find true love, you will not push it away. We only find what it is when we are ready to receive.

Godspeed!

Apr 14, 2016
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Complex PTSD
by: Don

Hello Beth,

Abandonment issues are rooted in a very complex set of core beliefs and imprint experiences. Because it is so complex; the wounds of abandonment, shame, and contempt form a system of beliefs based on multiple imprint experiences. A common name for this syndrome is Complex PTSD or Complex Trauma. I am afraid it will take more than the perfect audio or technique to heal these wounds.

The ideal situation is to do face-to-face therapy with a counselor who is trained in treatment of childhood trauma. If that is not available where you are or if you feel you can relate to the ideas presented on this website you may want to consider below:

There are two extensive programs in our Serenity Cafe Academy that deal specifically with these issues:

Thawing Childhood Abandonment Issues
Thawing Adult/Child Syndrome

If you are not sure which one to start with contact either Don or Angie to set up a private 20 minute phone consultation and we will make some recommendations.

We are also available for coaching sessions with these issues. We can discuss that too when you set up a consultation. If you would rather just inquire about any of this by email feel free to do so.

Best Regards,
Don

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