My WIfe

by Jimmy
(Philadelphia PA)

My wife has been addicted to opiates/heroin for 6 years. During the first few years of our marriage, I was deployed overseas in the Army. She did stick with me, and raised our beautiful child for close to a year on her own. But she ran through our bank accounts, and used heavily.

I have now been home and out of the service for almost three years, and she cannot come close to 30 days sober. She blames me. She says I don't do enough. I do drink occasionally, but not around her and rarely in the house. I do smoke marijuana on occasion, but also, not around the house or her. I've been to a hand full of meetings with her, but she will rarely string together 3 consecutive meetings, and spending more time when she doesn't seem committed just embitters me and builds this resentment inside of me.

This past summer, she went to rehab for 30 days, came out, and was using again within 20 days. Two weeks ago, she totaled her car making a run at 0830 on a Sunday morning. She started to really seem like she was seeing things differently, until she started using my car. I can't stand being around her, it's like having a 30 year old teenage daughter who feels shes entitled to anything she wants. I can't stomach her empty attempts at planting these seeds of responsibility within me for her choices.

I have considered killing myself because of the hopelessness I feel, and simply cannot believe that I won't make this decision and take action. She has turned my home into a chaotic place, where lying and fighting are more frequent than conversation. I need to get out. I need to save my son. I don't want her to die, or compromise her dignity, but suspect that it is inevitable.

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