my girlfriend is in recovery assisted living and blocking me out of her life

by Matt E
(North Carolina)

my girlfriend finished 28 days and now was in assisted living and made all these decisions for yourself left me with everything to take care of three dogs one of which she came into the relationship with she will not communicate with me whatsoever because I take medication that she abused and I've abused it is well and I have just recently started taking my medication the way I'm supposed to and have been wanting to do that for the past year and a half but she kept manipulating me into doing things I didn't want to do anymore so it wasn't. That hard for me to turn my life around as soon as she left the house I love her I miss her and i want her to be better and be happy again I want her to get better even if it means that we won't be together but we did have a plan that we were going to work things out as the days went by we would figure it out we would do what we have to do And we would support each other and I am trying to support her but I know I've done some dumb things and made some bad decisions since she's been gone I have horrible thoughts and I've expressed negative things to her through cards letters and I know that it was wrong hindsight is 20/20 but I have made major strides in the past 2 months I have taken care of everything that she is left on me but I don't know if she plans on even being together anymore.

I am left with a house that I can afford I am getting the bills paid cash by myself and all of her possessions are there for dog she doesn't want to deal with any responsibility of anything she's been arrested twice in two months she lost her nursing job she lost her last job stealing she's been lying about everything for the past two years I believe I have tapes of her throwing temper tantrums because I wouldn't give her any of my medication I don't even know where to stop this conversation because I could go on forever but what is really killing me is her blocking me out totally and not wanting to know how I'm doing not wanting to know how her dog is doing or what's going to happen to all of her things she has no family she is alienating everyone of her friends and I don't know what to do I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore as far as our relationship I know what I need to do as far as myself and I'm doing it I'm working as much as I possibly can I am taking care of every responsibility that she dumped on me and right now am I supposed to just forgot about somebody that I've known for over 30 years and I've been dating for almost 5 years we would have been married if we could afford it I am I supposed to just forget about her if anybody has any information or how I need it I needed more than anything right no. I will try in and this conversation I hope it helps people I hope people read it and try to help me I know I need it I need the support I am getting some support from friends to believe in me and know that I have the willpower and know that.

I've been complaining about things for a long time that have to do with her and my life and our life I even started turning into a person I didn't like because I tried to control everything she would do because I didn't know what she was capable of anymore and she still managed to get arrested twice and basically end up where she is what I don't understand is how old the counselors and her don't care about anything except for her wellness and she's just supposed to give up everything in her life and not care what happens to any of it that's what I just can't understand at all and struggling very much with what I'm supposed to do any help would be very much appreciated this girl words so in love with me that she made me actually realize how much I love her and that I could believe in love again and for her to just block me out and not want to know anything about my life for our life at all is very hard for me to understand anyhow please. thank you

Comments for my girlfriend is in recovery assisted living and blocking me out of her life

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 07, 2014
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Same story, but I was the girlfriend
by: Anonymous

I had a boyfriend who I loved and lived with from age 18-21. He was prescribed large amounts of medication and I was addicted to it. I cared about him but our life was horrible together. I had to get help. He didn't think he needed it, said he could stop when he wanted to. Well, I'm 2 1/2 years clean and sober, and he's still getting prescribed the medication. I would have stayed with him if he stopped with me... but I can't make him do that. We can't change people we can only change ourselves. Thats what I did. I'm much happier but sobriety is a journey still have lots of work to do in my life. I still love him and wish I could still be friends with him and see him. I just know I'd end up using again. I don't have that strong of a will I have many boundaries I need to stick with to stay sober. Maybe one day. The only thing I want for him is to be happy. I'm so sorry about your situation. I know she just up and left but she probably needed to make that choice to stay alive, I was taking so much meds I knew I would OD soon if I didn't get help. Hardest thing I ever did was leaving him.

Jan 01, 2014
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Follow suit...
by: Don Carter

Hello Matt,

It sounds like your girlfriend is serious about turning her life around - she has gone through a treatment program and is now set up in assisted recovery living to take some time to get herself together on a path of healing and growth! I am glad you can be happy for her.

If you really want her back there is only one possible way that MIGHT work...Follow her lead! Get into treatment right away, even if that means letting the house you can't afford go - it is probably already gone anyway.

If she continues to grow in recovery and you stay stuck in the same world she left behind then every day she gets further and further away.

Now having said that, I must also say you cannot go where she is going FOR HER. You must genuinely want to escape the world of addiction and chaos FOR YOU!

I must also warn you that when two people leave the world of addiction and get into recovery, they may both wake up and wonder what in the heck they are doing together - It very well may be that the only compatibility they had was the lifestyle around their addiction and you won't find that out until you are in recovery.

In fact, some people fear abandonment so much that they will subconsciously sabotage their partners attempt to get sober - misery loves company.

PLEASE get help - For YOU! In the meantime if it is meant to be with your girlfriend then that will happen. More often than not, it is a year or two into recovery that "Ms. Right" shows up. Don't miss her! She is being made ready for you and (if you are in recovery) you are being made ready for her - when you are both ready it will just happen.

Blessings and best wishes,
Don Carter

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Enabling Behavior Discussion Forum.