My 30 year old brother is an addict and my mother is an enabler...

by Debbie
(Carsonville, MI)

He started smoking weed when he was an early teenager and now he's addicted to oxycodin and i think heroin too. For years my mother has been helping with his rent,prescriptions,a new car here and a new car there, money to feed his kids, and God knows what else.

My mother is so attached to him that she literally spent her last dollar on him. 11 months ago she left her husband of about 13 years, to move to Florida to be by him. So on a whim she loaded her van and left. We live in Michigan and that's where she moved from.

I tried to tell her before she moved that he was an addict, but she didn't want to believe anything I said. He told me about him selling drugs and when he ran out of oxycodin he would go to a drug house and get some.

Last week she called my sister and said "Please you gotta come get me." So my sister spent her rent check and her next check and $600.00 from us and flew down the next day. What she found when she got there was horrific. My mother looked terrible, another week and she would probably have been dead. She is 78 years old and she was sitting in the dark. Her electric had been shut off, she had no food, and no money. He had taken her for everything. She had written a bad check for rent, maxed out 5 credit cards, was 2 months behind on her medical insurance and her car insurance. He even has the nerve to call her on her way back up here from jail and ask her for her next SS check to get him out.

She is now living with my sister but thinks she's going back to Florida when she gets some money up. When my sister cleaned out her apt. she found a bowl of syringes in the kitchen and my mom said the his dr. told him to shoot the oxys into his hand. No way a dr. is going to tell you to do that. Since oxys are synthetic heroin, I think it more likely that he is shooting heroin, you couldn't crush the pills up enough to get them into the needle.

I'm going to my sisters on Mothers Day and I'm going to print this letter off and info about enabling. Maybe if she sees it in writing it will help. Other than that I don't know what to do.
For some reason she thinks she's going to be his Savior or something. He's 30 and needs to grow up and get a job so he can take care of his family and himself. He would never go into rehab, but he sure needs to go. I used to be an addict, but I never could have used my parents like that.

Comments for My 30 year old brother is an addict and my mother is an enabler...

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 18, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
My mother is my 44 yr old brother's enabler
by: Anonymous

My 44 yr old brother and his 23 yr old daughter are crack addicts. They get high and drunk and beat each other up. My brother has about 2 DUI's that he served jail for in the past. He was jailed twice for harming his daughter while high on crack. My mother bailed him out both times, and his daughter dropped the charges. They need each other to support their habit, and she was talked in to it by Mom. My mother gave him $3,000 to pay off the dealer, and more money to pay his bills. He keeps buying drugs with the money she gives him. He sold everything he has except for his house, which he plans to sell. His daughter is currently living at his house with her boyfriend who I believe may be a friend of the drug dealer. My mother is paying the bills to keep him from losing the home. He moved in with my parents. Mom wants them separated so that he does not fight with her and get put in jail again. My father is against all of this, but is too weak to do anything. He worked so hard to have a retirement that was secure; and she is giving it all away to him and his daughter. My 2 sisters, my older brother and I are telling her to stop the enabling. She threw a guilt trip on us by saying that we are not there for her when she needs us the most. She is made of us all. She will not listen to us. She told us that we can't love her because we are "picking" on her when she needs support. I keep crying about this. I've been close to Mom. It is killing us. I don't know what to do to convince her that our plan to help the situation to remove the enabling. Stop the bail outs, stop giving him money and paying his bills. Let him reach rock bottom and he will find his way out.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Enabling Behavior Discussion Forum.