Mr. Fix-It

by godbear
(Brunswick, GA)

For years all of my helping behavior has only helped others stay stuck. I have deprived them of the opportunity to be accountable.

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Nov 23, 2009
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correction
by: Mr fix-it

Correction to my previous post RE: JFK. This year is the 46th anniversary of his assassination. Not the 49th as I mistakenly claimed. (There was a time when a mistake like that would have sent me into a shame spiral that would take weeks to get over). Thanks all, Mr Fix-it

Nov 22, 2009
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JFK
by: Mr. Fix-it

Today is the 49Th anniversary of the death of JFK. It is still like an open wound to me. Someone reached through all of his boundaries with violence. This act deprived him of his life and many of us of hope.

While the violence I experienced as a child did not take my physical life, it did tear the fabric of my soul. I am just now healing from some of that turmoil. But I don't know if I will ever be at peace with the loss of a man I never met, yet whom I loved like a father. Rest in Peace, Jack.

Nov 22, 2009
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Great!
by: mxkx

I am doing the same. It's hard to be thankful when there is drama all around you and I don't think we're really meant to spend our holidays miserable. Happy Thanksgiving to you as well! :)

Nov 21, 2009
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Self Care
by: Anonymous

This year I will not subject myself to my crazy family at Thanksgiving. I am avoiding my family of origin and embracing my wonderful family of choice. Happy Turkey Day.

Nov 16, 2009
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thanks
by: Mr. fix-it

Thank you for your comment. Being always available to be "helpful" is where I got what passed for self-esteem. I felt if I could just help enough people, then the missing part of my soul would appear. It was like eating junk food....tasted pretty good as I ate it, then left me more hungry than before.

I found help in Codependents Anonymous. I am not cured. But I am so much better. I Thank the Spirit of The Universe for CODA. I now have some healthy friends who help me see through the veil of denial. It seems many of us have forgotten our true nature, or were taught our true nature was not good enough. I am now on a journey back to reclaim the person I was intended to be. Happy, joyous and free.

Nov 15, 2009
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You're Right on Target! :)
by: mxkx

That is a really important realization to make about enabling behavior. While your intentions are good, the results really do deprive others of the opportunity to learn and grow from their mistakes. Such behavior also deprives you of your own rights and/or needs.

Truly helpful behavior supports and may even accelerate the learning process for others while enhancing your own confidence and personal growth.

I think perhaps the best way to determine if you are demonstrating truly helpful behavior is to examine how you feel after you offer the help. If you're feeling drained, pushed aside, depressed, etc. then you are more than likely being an enabler rather than a true helper.

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