Thawing Abandonment Issues Stage Six

Intimacy vs. Isolation

The progression through all other stages impacts stage six most of all because the accumulation of outcomes multiplies itself by the time we make it to adulthood. If we have a lot of negative outcomes then we will spend a lot of time trying to figure out "Why am I like that?" or wondering "Who am I"?

abandonment issues and outcomes

The diagram above represents a continuum of possible outcomes. The Angry/Defiant part of our personality adopts the Externalizer position under stress. The vulnerable/needy part tends to take the Internalizer position and trusts too easily in order to avoid abandonment. When things are good and we are in our Adult ego-state we may exhibit evidence of a fairly healthy position at the top of the diagram.

Initial Assessment & Journal Assignments

journal image

  • Watch the video above and/or Click here to read an introductory Description to Stage Six. Then Journal about anything that stands out as you read as these things are usually useful later on as you proceed through the following exercises.

  • Next click here to complete the Stage Six Self-Assessment: Give yourself a score for evidence of each symptom in the present day. If there is a long-standing issue in an area give yourself a "10", if there no evidence of the symptom give yourself a "0". Complete all journal questions thoughtfully as they will stimulate thoughts and feelings that will make more sense as you proceed through this stage of recovery.

  • Next click here to review the Stage Six Outcomes Worksheet exploring for evidence that points to a negative outcome in this stage of development. Then complete the journal questions at the end of the document.

Timeline Work: History of Intimacy and Isolation Issues & Experiences

In this section, we explore relationship histories focusing on the uncovering of issues surrounding this stage and its developmental tasks. Listen to each audio at least twice, the second time through pause and journal about your answers & experiences...then listen again if you want. Intensity & repetition are what "burns this into your brain." (You can download an collect these journaling worksheets in a binder if you prefer.)

The first Audio takes us through our adult relationships while in a meditative state to explore for developmental issues of this period.

The second audio does the same with the era of childhood and teen years.

Finding Your Inner Critic (aka Critical Parent Ego State)

Again, listen to each audio at least twice, the second time through pause and journal about your answers & experiences. We are searching for limiting core beliefs and critical self-talk. (Record these in your Journal)

Here in this second part of the Inner Critic audio, we are going to begin developing positive core beliefs and self-talk. (Record these in your Journal)

Next Review and complete this Issues & Symptoms Worksheet. Complete as much as you can and don't worry too much about filling in all the gaps. Much more will become apparent in later stages as this work tends to get easier and easier each time you do it.

Reclaim & Reconnect with this Inner Child

The exercises here are designed to begin to reclaim & reconnect with exiled parts of self and treat their underlying wounds.

One of the best and most powerful healing treatments is to build trust and rapport with each part (even if you don't like what they do - principle of positive intention.) Separate the part from the behavior, just as you would a child, then work with the part to build rapport.

Listen to each audio at least twice, the second time through pause and journal about your answers & experiences. Record your thoughts and experiences in your Journal for each of the following exercises.

Listen to Audio Program 63a; then complete Journal assignment 63a. This one is to help you reconnect with this part of you. Let it happen and stay with any feelings that emerge.

Do the same for Audio 63b & Journal assignment 63b. Let the feelings come up and record them in your journal. There is no need to judge them, just be with the feelings and allow them to exist vs. pushing them away. Record them.

Daily contact with each Part is essential in maintaining rapport and trust with your inner family of self. Complete the Daily Dialog Journaling Exercise and practice daily (and/or when needed to address triggers)

Create a Protector Exercise: The inner child is just like any other kid, they love to play, and draw, and hear stories. Drawing is an excellent way to activate the creativity of the child created parts of self. As you complete these drawings, try using your non-dominant hand at least part of the time to access the right hemisphere of the brain (home of the inner children). This can be very powerful and helps those who have "learned to numb-out" get back in touch with their emotions.

Grieving & Releasing the Losses (aka, Feelings Work)

There are many exercises for releasing the abandonment, Shame and Contempt of the original wounds here in this section. The list here is by no means exhaustive or mutually exclusive.

Use prayer and meditation, recovery groups, coaching and counseling, and any other resources you find helpful in releasing the original pain of unmet dependency needs.

Complete the Grieving the Losses Exercise and continue Daily Dialog (when needed to address triggers)

Once the issues have been identified and feelings have surfaced, it is time to help this part of you release the pain and re-imprint an alternative scenario with a corrective emotional experience. Complete the Emotional processing and Emotional Release exercises.

Spiritual Releasing: Do the same for Audio 64a & Journal assignment 64a.

Parental Timeline Re-Imprinting: Listen to Audio Program 64b; then complete Journal assignment 64b.

It is likely that this one section took a few weeks to complete. Let it settle for a day or two and then listen to Majestic Meadow again. Watch how the garden looks different now that this work has occurred.

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copyright © 2013-2016 Don Carter MSW, LCSW