Meditation is helping
I am very pleased to have found this website. I felt a little bit lost on my journey of recovery. I found it difficult to connect with other people in A.A on the deeper issues such as healing the original pain of abandonment.
Don`t get me wrong I love the fellowship it`s help give my life back, but it`s sometimes inappropriate to share on the deeper issues that Don deals with. So I thank god for directing me to internet of the mind, where I can really express how i feel.
I have made about five contributions in as many days,my wife says i might be over doing it a bit, maybe I am. But recovery from the wounds of abandonment can lead you back to lonely and frightening places and while I rely on my higher power for strength, no man is an island and it is also good to have other support networks.
I particularly like Don`s meditations which have helped me immensely. I listen for twenty minutes before going to bed. Last night I was meditating and someone came to mind that I had hit in a fight while at school, I had also verbally abused him and he had a tear running down his face. I felt a deep sorrow come over me and in my minds eye I hugged him and said I was truly sorry. This repeated itself for a good twenty minutes until I had made amends to every guy I had hurt or been hurt by in fights.
When I was growing up my way of conflict resolution was to lash out when I was hurt. It also gave me a warped sense of self esteem. Although there were times when violence had the reverse effect, when I acted in a cowardly manner or I was so full of fear I ran away or backed down from confrontation and this caused me great shame.
This was stuff I didn`t deal with in my step four. But as I have learned, every traumatic experience that I have been a part of and my brain has recorded from the moment of my conception has to be dealt with for a full and whole recovery.
I know today that pretending to act tough was the false self and deep down I have discovered I am a sensitive and creative person. That's not to say I wont stand up for myself and my family but today I try and do it in appropriate ways..I abhor mindless violence.
THANKS, love and peace, Coamhin