Lost in the Crowd and the Family Dramas
I am exhausted - finally after 53 years totally exhausted by the family dysfunction, anger and dramas. I am one of 6 children, the only girl and the oldest. My father is an anger bitter vicious secret drunk who is also a mean bully has spent years drinking in secret, screwing around on my mother, and couple years ago we discovered he has a 'secret' illegitimate daughter who mother came looking for a payoff from him. but of course its never talked about and everyone acts like its still secret. My mother who I always thought was relatively emotionally healthy just isn't is she. Couple my brothers are also just a mess, the youngest more "frozen" than I am. several the others married to replicas of our parents and have their own drama-driven personalities, one is a wanna be savior but in reality he is barely holding on to his life as he knows it. We are so typical of classic Irish Catholic dysfunctional family, me the only daughter being the cook, dishwasher and the sons being well, the sons. They too are brilliantly dysfunctional - yet also scarily very much like our parents at times.
Me? frozen is the perfect description. Not that I'm not a nice person or caring - I have large wonderful circle of friends, several especially close ones who I know most of my life and are aware of my issues, many times more aware than I was. But I have never let a man get close enough to marry - I've had a lot chase me but I recently realized that I always put up solid brick walls so am single and childless. I feel like lately I spend most of my time navigating work and family life with too many mean angry spiteful people and drama queens.
I have never felt like I wanted to move away till now. My mom was very sick with bad case pneumonia, she fell twice and dad never even got up to see what happened even though he said he heard the noises. She laid in bed all day and waited till that night to call me. next day all day in ER and she's got meds, etc. but that meant she couldn't go on their annual trip to Florida and he was sulking, upset and childishly disappointed. She just finished second rounds of meds but she's seriously malnourished and anemic because she had been misdiagnosed for at least a month - he is getting her soup, juice, etc. but hasn't been doing any laundry, changing sheets, etc. and doesn't speak with her - during day she's been laying there alone and lonely - so when I did it all and she got up and had someone to talk to he got terribly angry and now she's calling me whispering for me not to come by so as not to upset him. HIM?? But still she's upset with me because I got angry that she'd even think of going to Florida even though there's no doctor there, no family or friends there to look after her and he doesn't give a crap so long as he gets there and only wants her to come as she does most of the driving and he's afraid to go on his own because he's such an jerk he can't get on with anyone wherever they stop off....
How do I "break up" with my family - hindsight being 20/20 it would have been better to do it when we were all younger and now with parents who are closing in on 80 and me being main 'caregiver' what on earth do I do? How do I limit my interactions without being neglectful of mom?