Losing my marriage

by Tammy
(Halifax, Canada)

I just recently separated from my husband who believes these are his issues, and he let go of a perfectly good marriage that had lots of love. A wife he can really find nothing wrong with, but all because he claims this condition doesn't allow him to handle emotional relationships - including me and a baby he has promised for seven years would be part of our life.

It's been very difficult because I forgave him for a lot of deceit and behaviors and then he left after I went through the turmoil of a miscarriage, 2 D&C's and a surgery to remove a uterine fibroid. He is the first to tell me that I gave him more than anyone in his life, more than he deserved, even when he didn't deserve it, and that our relationship was the most normal he has ever had, and that he had shared more with me than anyone else. But at the same time he won't work toward saving our marriage because he needs to fix himself and I can't be included in that picture. He claimed initially that he had pushed down all of his feelings for me, telling me in the last few months that he now feels nothing for me, in fact those around him think he's not feeling much of anything for anyone these days.

I understand that he needs to fix himself and I support that, I understand having a childhood with issues too, what I can't wrap my head around is how throwing away a good relationship because he refuses to work through these things with me by his side.

I am having a hard time understanding. I have my own past with family issues but we had seven years together, and it seems that difficult life circumstances out of our control just led him to retreat and abandon me. Any feedback?

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