life is not fair, but as the cliche goes, "the show must go on"

So, I found this site as I have been recently trying very hard to understand all the inner critics that I deal with on-going, inside myself, and am so sick and tired of hearing myself constantly tell me that there must be something wrong with me because everyone around me seems to leave me, even the ones I don't even really like.
I was passed around as a young child from certain family members and no one ever gave me the love a child should get. In fact, I was always considered a nuisance because I was now in their hands to deal with. Even by both of my own biological parents. I deal with isolation and loneliness a lot and lose many friends constantly because I seem to be too "authentic" and share my thoughts way too much and I think scare people away. I feel alone and no matter what I am always floundering. I hate this! I do not have many people to talk to - I am starting to get angry at everyone but do not want to stay in this state, I want to heal myself and need help. I do not have any family to talk to. I do not have family period because they really do not care about me or my son, it is so sad. Anyways, here's to a better day.

Dessertflower

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Jan 21, 2012
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Anger and separation
by: Don

Hello DF,

When we "hit bottom" and get "sick and tired" of living this way it is usually the Angry/Defiant part of us that says "NO MORE!" Anger helps us separate from things we are attached to.

Our addictive, toxic relationships are especially powerful attachments that are rooted in "Don"t Talk, Don't Feel, Don't Trust" rules (among others). Breaking these rules means separating from them, breaking their hold on us...Anger helps us do that.

So, the problem comes in if we get stuck in the angry part because it separates us from others. It is the vulnerable part that helps us connect, but that part goes into hiding behind the angry part.

We cannot connect in a healthy way from our angry ego-state. We must be able to get emotionally sober with the help of a group, therapist, or others who are in recovery. It will take a firm decision on your part to get help if you can't do it on your own.

Hope this helps,
Don

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