I've established new boundaries for a bad situation. What about sex?
No short way to say this. I will try. My bipolar, antisocial personality disorder husband who has recently admitted to being a drug addict, (by stealing my pain meds, buying, coercion and whatever other means, not to mention physical abuse and threats).
It was discovered a few weeks ago although I sensed it to some level and lived in the world of denial because of fear and other EXCUSES. His parents were given his old cell phone which did not get properly reset and his mother found his emails were full of filth and horrible graphic conversations about sex with men, women, and how he was talking to others to get me to participate in 3 ways because I was unwilling. (That topic is a major sore spot and struggle in our marriage I can't and won't bend on. I won't go there with him or anyone.)
His mom was in such distress and silently they went to him about it 2 times. He denied it and made sure they knew they had better never bring it up again. Now, over the years he has stolen my rx pain meds from me as I said and I know that he has found other means as well.
Well the bomb dropped and the lies as best I know are out and he is left with a loving mother and father and myself, along with the 3 kids who are willing to work on helping him since he claims to want help.
Here's my problem. He "needs" my intimacy to feel loved. I see it as he just wants sex because men are wired that way. He can take care of himself and won't. Pardon my forwardness. I set up a boundary that until he actually gets help and we discuss his actions on the computer with other people and how far it truly went, I have no interest and don't feel safe there emotionally.
He makes me feel bad and manipulates me that he is going to all of his PCP (primary care provider) appointments. So far he has not gotten counseling or therapy or anything and it has been since the 17th of this month that he was released from the 96 hour psych ward.
Am I wrong? And how do I make it clear that I love him as a human as Christ calls us but as far as a marriage, that is yet to be determined. I tried to kick him out and he has nowhere to go. I tried so hard but he has devastated our finances. I am working on myself now and getting my own help for years of enabling. I thought I was over codependency but I guess one never gets over that.
So does anyone have any advice? I feel compassion towards him as a human with an illness and a disease. I don't however feel it as a wife but as a person. I have no desire to enable and care for him at this point. I only want to be respectful and make it clear he can live here cleanly. He has no phone to participate in internet filth. He is now on lithium.
God will heal me and if it is his will, He will help my hubby.