Intellectual awareness

by may
(Toronto)

Hi all,

I am one of those people who are curious and on a quest to of self fixing. I gained a lot of awareness and glimpses of consciousnesses that makes things clear. The adult appears and take control and everything falls in the right place (from inner experience to behavior). Yet this state fades and whatever I built scrambles and everything goes back to its original state under my own nose. (i.e. I know that it is happening but I cannot change the state).

I keep swinging between a self maintained person, poised and in control to a person who is desperate for connection. If you live with me you'd think I am crazy. I am disappointed how come I have all this awareness yet I am not reaching a stability.

Does anyone know what I am talking about?

Please share your thoughts.
M.

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Oct 30, 2015
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Advice would be awesome!
by: Anonymous

Well that's great to hear!!! Any advice that you recommend for someone who is still in that state of mind?

Aug 25, 2015
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I moved on
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I posted this 3 years ago. I no longer swing like that. I did extensive self exploration work where I got to gain the basic distinctions about self regulating. I came to know that I lived in so much guilt and shame that it hindered any progress I achieve. I am more engaged in my own life as I never been in too many years. My hobbies are coming back, my connection with people is better.

Aug 25, 2015
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I feel the exact same way
by: Anonymous

Oddly enough, i can relate with this sense of instability within the mind. At times it feels like it has a direct correlation with the mood i'm in. Happy=more intellectual awareness and self-worth vs Sad=sloppy thoughts and lack of self-worth.

Do you ever feel that way as well?

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