Indifference

by Brittany

I wonder why parents are so Indifferent to Children's thoughts, hopes and dreams. As I have suffered emotional abandonment from my parents my reaction was always to turn inward, therefore my needs were never really met! To this day I feel the only one who cares, or has ever showed me he cares for what I feel or think is my Father in Heaven.

I'm very grateful for this website that has helped me find reasons for the way things are right now in my life. Even a lot of my dreams are explained by knowing what is buried inside of me. I'm sure dreams that are trying to express what is really going on is experienced for every emotionally abandoned child.

I encourage parents everywhere to break this horrible succession, and to be there for your children no matter how distracted you could be at the moment working on something else. Just BE there for them!

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Jan 29, 2010
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these kinds of dreams tell you a lot sometimes
by: xmkx

I think those dreams are indicative of the neglect you were feeling. I had similar dreams when I was younger. One in particular I remember vividly that I had when I was 5 years old. My mom took one of my friends in and kicked me out. It was snowing and I was naked. I looked in the window and watched her shower my friend with affection and toys.

This dream had some basis in real events. My mom often showed my friends the affection and presents she withheld from me. It wasn't unusual for her to buy one of my friends a present and not get me anything (or tell me I had to use my allowance when she rarely gave me an allowance to begin with), nor was it unusual for her to spend quality time with one of my friends while snubbing me. I remember I used to hate going on school field trips with her because she would "hog" my friends and I would end up walking behind them, watching them have fun without me. I also grew up mostly wearing and playing with what ever others gave me - my mom seemed to be able to provide for every kid but her own.

The interesting thing is the first time she abandoned me I remembered this dream and thought of it as being prophetic. Later on down the road it was not unusual for me to go out in freezing cold weather without a jacket to cry when I felt abandoned. The last night I had a fight with my husband before I went to shelter he was acting so cold towards me that I went out in freezing rain with nothing but a sundress on to drop to the ground and cry. He tried to bring me in but I wouldn't go inside... when he asked why I told him because I felt it was better out there than it was inside with him because the weather matched the way I was feeling.

Jan 28, 2010
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Dreams
by: Brittany

Well I remember having a dream when I was around three or four years old where I had accidentally fallen on the stove backwards (which actually happened in real life, but one of my parents was there and helped me), and a member of my family coming into the kitchen as I lay there in distress but they never saw me or heard me call out for them. Every member of my family came in and repeated this behavior....never seeing me or hearing me while I needed their help.

The more distinct memory I have from this dream was my Dad coming in and looking all about the kitchen but overlooking me. I know that in my dream the rest of my family did this as well but I only remember him doing it.

Other dreams I have had all consisted of screaming but no one listening, crying but no one was there, punching someone and they are laughing at me because they hardly felt it, running but barely moving, etc. All of these dreams I think are from the feelings experienced every day from acquired attributes as consequences of neglect. Or maybe I'm just blaming that, I'm not sure. All I know is that everything has gotten a lot better after I talked to my Father and he understands and tries to help me like...cope?...

Do you think that these dreams are attributed to neglect? Or dreamt only by me?

Dec 29, 2009
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Exactly...
by: mxkx

I think that we as those who have experienced first hand what abandonment is like have received a precious gift in regards to our own children because we know first hand what abandonment does to a child. It also gives us a great responsibility to break the cycle for our children so they may grow healthy and strong, never having known the kind of inner battles we have because they are just the way they should be.

Even though I have spent the first one and a half years of my son's life not knowing anything about all of this, I have made great strides to do the exact opposite of what my family did with me. I have showered him in affection/encouragement, never looked to him to fulfill my emotional needs, and tried to understand him and the way his mind works so I can get down on his level and communicate with him rather than dictate to him.

I even make the effort to never raise my voice with him, and the few times I have lost control and done it I immediately apologized and explained to him that while I was frustrated it was most definitely not his fault and I should not have acted that way. A lot of people think the way I treat him is very strange, and I have heard more than one comment that I "spoil him" and/or that he has me "wrapped around his little finger". I just let it go though because the proof of my methods are in the way he behaves. He's happy, he's healthy, he's kind to others, and he's well behaved (at least as well behaved as a 20 month old can be! LOL).

A lot of times when I look at the children of those who accuse me of going too easy on him I find that their own children are very insecure in themselves, act out a lot, and/or don't even attempt to run/romp/play. It makes me very sad and also a little puzzled that they can not recognize the very proof for themselves that my son is certainly not "spoiled".

Above all things, love your children. Encourage them to think for themselves and no one else. Encourage them to express their emotions in a healthy manner. We MUST remember that we are here to teach them how to interact and succeed with the rest of the world and not just us. We don't own their lives... they do.

Dec 29, 2009
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Well Put!!
by: Don Carter

I couldn't have said it better Brittany! Thanks for your input.

By the way, I'd sure like to hear about some of those dreams if you are ever in a mood to share them!

Don

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