In recovery from alcohol and gambling, but still enabling and codependent

by CJ
(Arizona)

By the grace of my Archangels, I am 13 years sober and free of compulsive gambling. I no longer crave nor desire the behaviors and one would think I would be living a life full of happiness and gratitude.

However, I have a boomerang daughter of 27 and my 3 year old grandson living with me...for the third time in five years. She is a chronic alcoholic finally reaching out for help, realizing that she cannot take care of her son if she continues drinking.

The problem is that I cannot say NO to my kids when they are evicted or need a place to stay (she does pay rent when she's working). I refuse to allow my kids to live on the street because the homeless shelters are full and friends and other family have given up on them because she has burned too many bridges with them.

I desperately want her to take advantage of inpatient rehabilitation for a minimum of six months and we have found a very nice one that allows children to be with their mothers. They have an excellent selection of programs to benefit her and she is scheduled for an intake appointment tomorrow.

The problem I have with this is that when I was going through detox and rehab, I had to become completely selfish with no interference from family members in order to stay on track with sobriety. I am pretty certain that she is the same but she is adamant that the baby go with her. I want her to succeed in this and everything she does in the future, but without knowing for sure that she will grasp the total concept of total abstinence from alcohol makes me very nervous.

My codependent/controlling nature does not allow me to detach from the situation (though I try to refrain from making suggestions). How do I get beyond this and allow things to flow smoothly and successfully?

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