I'm learning and it really WORKS!

by mxkx

I have actually been able to get along with people better since I started applying some of the information I learned on this website. I'm no longer left feeling confused, ashamed, and/or guilty when others do things like take what I consider to be friendly banter to be an attack.

I can apologize to them for upsetting them without apologizing for my opinion or feeling shamed for expressing it. On top of that, I can forgive myself if I do make a mistake in how I express something and make a REAL CHANGE in how I approach it in the future without just giving up on having my own opinion!

For the first time today, I deflected a potential fight with my husband just by being somewhat AWARE of what was going on behind the words and actions. He got angry, he was yelling and blaming, and I took control instead of losing control or giving up. It ended with us having a real conversation in which we expressed our feelings, accepted each others feelings, and came to a mutual agreement. He still thinks that this stuff is a bunch of "psychobabble" but I think he is starting to get curious based on the change that is happening with me.

Additionally, I don't start fights any more myself because I don't ASSUME any more that things are going to go bad no matter what I do. I can approach someone respectfully now and be confident that if they react in anger IT IS NOT MY FAULT and I DID NOT CAUSE IT TO HAPPEN. The only thing I have control over is myself, and as long as I am showing the "right" attitude that's all that matters... the "right" words will come.

I'm gradually starting to open up and not be afraid of "saying the wrong thing" any more. Instead of trying to work out the "right" thing to say, I work out how I feel first and assess the situation to ensure that my feelings reflect the reality of what is going on NOW and not the reality of what has happened in the PAST.