I'm hopeless and just wish it would end......

by Mark
(Florida)

In November 2011.....I started helping a man I met while living in a hostel here in my town...I knew he had a drinking problem, as he was continually getting into trouble and the staff was threatening to kick him out...I would always smooth things over and he would be allowed to stay. One night we had a long conversation and he came out and told me he was an alcoholic who was estranged from his children, he was depressed and that was why he drank so much "to forget the pain." He asked for my help and I was happy to give it, it made me feel needed. During our conversation he told me that if we could just get out of our current living situation "everything would be alright."

I worked very hard at finding just the right place....down on the beach, away from the crowds, so he could concentrate on his recovery and getting a job. After a few months he started drinking again, slowly of course, a couple of beers here, some wine there, when I would bring up my concerns about this he would become defensive and tell me it would be alright that vodka was his drink of choice, that the beer/wine wasn't an issue...I told him I worried it would progress, that he was on a slippery slope.

One day he picked me up and informed me that he had some good news, and some bad news....the good news was that he had bee able to design a website for the business we were starting (ya I know)....he bad news was that he was kicked out of our place for arguing with the landlord about some stupid unimportant issue...I knew he was wrong, but yet I still took his side and chose to leave with him....

We moved into a house nearby with 6 other people, this house is in foreclosure, there are tarps on the roof because it leaks....we have rats, just a horrible place to live. My "business" partner gets the bedroom for $125 a week, and I get to save money sleeping in the dining room....my rent is $80 a week. He has insisted that we no longer pay rent to live
because of the leaking roof (we knew this when we moved in....his room has
no leak, yet mine does.)

Long story short, he has been on a binge for the past two weeks.....last night he came to me and asked for $2.00 so he could but more beer....His rent has been paid for the week....mine hasn't but I spoke to the landlord (who lives there) and he is giving me more time because he knows the rent for the space where our business is is due Wednesday....It's $285. on Saturday the checking account was negative $6 but I've been able to build it up to $100....I just simply CANNOT give him any money I can't let the business fail....As it is I'm working 2 jobs trying to keep us afloat...he however hasn't had a job since I've met him..

I was waiting until this binge was over and he was feeling better so we might be able to have a rational conversation about dissolving our personal/business relationship, however because I wouldn't give him $2.00 he blew off the handle and said some more hateful things asking me what he was supposed to do....I told him he should have spent the $90 I gave him at the start of his binge more wisely he told me to "F OFF".

I'm feeling horribly useless, hopeless, and like a failure....I wish I could have given him the money it was only $2.00.....PLEASE HELP

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Sep 23, 2012
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hopeless/make it stop
by: Anonymous

Currently, my husband and son do not get along. our son is dependent on me at 22yrs. also my spouce. he no longer works. since 8yrs. ago. I am 51 yrs. would love to retire.My spouce has been an alcoholic many yrs. and has been getting worse. I always have to hear the problems. also get blamed for alot of things. I work full time with pets that helps my strees alittle. I'm taking meds.for anxciety, also for my achs and pains. now i'm experiancing no energy daily.

Aug 06, 2012
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here's help...
by: Don

If you read your post enough times it may start to become clear to you that he is not the only one with a problem. In fact, he is doing better than you or he would be the one sleeping in the dining room!

Denial is a powerful thing...but rigorous honesty can break through that wall. It may not make it easier, but hey, you don't have to get him to have a rational conversation to leave this situation. No, the problem is that you feel compelled to stay, either to caretake him or because you have that "terror of being alone" that comes with serious abandonment issues.

Please seek help if you are ready...it is a good time to reach out! "It" won't end until you do.

Thanks for sharing and keep us informed.

Blessings,
Don

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