I just want to be happy...
All my life I have grown up knowing that I was adopted. As a young girl I never did quite understand what that meant,it was just a fact I grew up with in my mind. As I grew older - I began to grasp the concept of 'being adopted.' With the understanding of the concept came feelings of worthlessness,shame,abandonment,inadequacy. I entered into my teenage years,and everything,mainly my mental health,was shattered.
My father and I never saw eye to eye - we still don't. There have been times where he's physically hurt me. My mother suffers from severe depression,I have one adopted brother and a brother from the my adoptive parents. At age 12,going on 13 - I began experimenting with sharp objects. I became fixated with the idea of inflicting pain on myself. I have never been able to stay in a relationship,neither have I been able to engage in relationships with decent people.
I went to a rehabilitation centre when I was 17...I left school and spent a month in the programme. I've seen many different therapists, been in and out of hospital,I've been medicated...today I am 24 years old,I still self mutilate and I feel more alone than I have ever felt. I am studying and I have a job,I hide my true self well. I struggle to make friends or to engage in relationships - as I don't trust people. Not one bit. Abandonment issues? Is that what I need to focus on and deal with?