How to stop the enabling for adult child with child.

My daughter is in her late twenties, has a child that is 3, gets rental assistance, she works a full time job..for now, they have been sporadic, has daycare assistance...but is constantly out of money and in crisis mode with late payment on bills, car breakdown, needs help with doctor appointment payments and prescriptions, and grandchilds father is incarcerated, and she sends him money for "phone minutes" so he can call her....thus, the tip of the iceberg...
Have shelled out thousands of dollars to help her out, and it only seems to make it worse.

Do you just say...no more, I won't help you anymore financially? Just cut them off cold turkey? I never had any help after I left home....and I never expected it. You left home that meant you were ready to take care of yourself and whatever else you brought on yourself. She says to me, "you always have money...moneybags"

I'm not rich by any means in the sense of money, I have money because I choose to go to work, and have a budget. I just feel sad....never thought my child would be a user moocher.

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Dec 12, 2011
How to stop enabling adult child with child
by: Money Bags

My daughter introduces me to her friends always different ones) as moneybags. As longs as I was giving her and her 25 yr old boyfriend money fro (gas, cigs, beer etc) there was not a problem. Now that I have cut them off, she has cursed me, told me how crazy I was and will not me see my 2 grandsons. I have got to the point that I won't even take her text because she is so abusive to me. I was in the hospital for a medical problem and she called my room and had me so upset, they had to put me in the coronary unit. it kills me not to see my grandsons but, I can not be around her nor can I take here calls of constant humiliation, verbal and emotional abuse. I just hope I can stay strong and keep her away from me, without having to go through legal channals

Oct 30, 2011
Seems like a trend?
by: Anonymous

My spouse has the same relationship with her daughter. Always no money issues, victimized, baby daddy a criminal...Very similar. Her daughter abuses her and was openly hateful (even today) of me as a new partner for her mother. Lately uses threats such as withholding visits from Grandchild ect until my wife caves. This is the situation for the past 8-9 years, began as a late teen and things never have progressed other than now she finally does not reside in our home.

Oct 27, 2011
Reply
by: Anonymous

I tried the counseling for her, even paid for it. Imagine that. She went once, and her boyfriend talked her out of going. Amazing the pull negative influence can have. It's true that I don't want to see my grandson suffer, and she is fully aware ofvthat and uses it.

Oct 27, 2011
stop enabling
by: Anonymous

I AM NOT SURE IF YOU ARE DOING THIS BECAUSE OF THE GRANDCHILD YOU HAVE OR NOT. IT MUST COME TO THE POINT OF USING TOUGH LOVE TACTICS. SHE MUST REALIZE THAT THERE WILL BE NO MORE MONEY COMING FROM YOU. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SHE COULD GET CHEAPER DAY CARE? AS FAR AS HER KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE WHO IS IN PRISON IS CERTAINLY NOT EVER GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. MAYBE YOU COULD POSSIBLY TALK HER INTO GOING TO COUNSELING?

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