How to make a person realize they are very codependent ???

by Karen
(Pennsylvania)

How do I get someone to realize that she is very codependent and has no idea that she is. She will not take any advice no matter how it's presented or by whom. I have tried numerous times and ways to get this person to realize WHY her life is a mess. She is totally clueless and it's ruining her life ! HELP !

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Feb 02, 2016
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Pearson
by: Danny

I watched a video and it says you can creat coustom help, how

Jan 01, 2014
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Helping to break through denial...
by: Don Carter

Hi Karen,

You are experiencing what it is like to go head to head with a phenomena called Denial.

When someone is stuck in a world of delusion, doing all sorts of mental gymnastics even though pretty much everyone they care about is telling them they have their head in the sand they are "in denial."

Denial is not the same as lying - when you are lying you know it. If denial didn't work you would easily be able to "get through" to the other parson. As it is, denial works in a very powerful way and you can testify to that.

So "what to do?" First let me say what NOT to do. Do NOT get caught up in an adversarial power struggle trying to break down the denial because that only makes it stronger. Denial is a set of defense mechanisms created to help the denier avoid something that is too uncomfortable to know. The more you push - the more it pushes back.

What to do? WAIT...enablers usually thrive on crises and drama. That is to say they are excellent helpers, fixers, rescuers, and problem-solvers when under the pressure of another crisis. The problem is that addictions and compulsions do not respond well to normal problem-solving and "helping" so things never get any better even though there is a calm before the next storm.

What you are to wait for is the moment of opportunity when the enabler has "hit a bottom", is exhausted, "can't live this way anymore," and feels hopeless - like they have surrendered the fight (at least for the moment.)

It is at these times of hitting bottom that the person may be receptive enough to take in some new information. If it is the right information they are more likely to respond to it at this time, at least to "give it a try." If the information is good the person will see themselves in it - they may even have a feeling of finally being able to put a name to what they have been going through.

Here is an article written by my wife, Angie Carter, that contains some good information:

Denial and Addiction

All the best to you and thanks for the question!

Don Carter

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