How to make a person realize they are codependent ???

by .Karen
(Pennsylvania)

My daughter is extremely codependent but has NO idea she is. She's very deep in denial. HOW do I get her to see her codependency ? Please HELP !!! Thank you !!!

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Mar 26, 2014
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mother in law in complete denial
by: Anonymous

I am stuck in a very painful situation. I used to love my mother in law to no ends. Everything changed the day before my wedding. One of hers sons 10 years ago was acting up and making negative remarks about Latin people(I am a Latina). When sitting at the restaurant he tells my husband(boyfriend) no to teach Spanish when we have kids. I reacted and said I hope your English has taken him. He called me a filthy spike, threw his plate of food on me and then grabbed me by the throat. Hell unleashed and I ran out of the restaurant and hid in some bushes. I was traumatized I was hoping that someone called the cops. I didn't because I loved my mother in law. They fixed the problem by telling him he had to join the army. I wanted leave but she begged me to stay. I did, I regret it. Besides him joining the reserves, he kept telling her he was going to Iraq(all lies). Move forward 10 years his drug addiction is rampant. I until now never discussed with her how this affected me. She doesn't care. I called to say hi and she accused me of resenting her son and I wanted him to fail.She thrives on the attention she gets from her friend and I don't care because I don't call her. Every time its chaos at their home. People in her family hate me because she uses me as her negative mouth piece. I am broken hearted by her. She accuses me that I don't know love because I don't have kids so how would I know. I hope to offer going to Al non together so she can helpherself. I love this family but I am reaching my top

Nov 16, 2013
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Thanks Angie
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much Angie !
I have read copious amounts of books etc. on codependency. I was codependent my self for many years. I will write more to you including specifics of this person's issues. I have a very busy weekend but will get to it as soon as I can.
Again, sincere thanks for your response.

Nov 16, 2013
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To Karen
by: Angie Carter

When trying to make someone realize or see their issue when they have denial going on can be very difficult. It's can be helpful to describe the behaviors you are seeing (be very specific and detailed) and why they are causing you concern.
Many times peope do not want to look at their behaviors because a fear jumps up that might say something like "if you acknowledge this or realize this is a problem then you will have to make a decision about what to do" and that is usually the obstacle at looking at our behavior. We are scared we are doing to have to make a decision that we are not prepared to make.
Sometimes you can educate yourself on the subject (codependency)and then just begin to inquire as to what her thoughts and feelings are on the subject. Remove the subject matter off of her relationship and just talk about it in general terms in order to get her take on it. Sometimes that triggers a person into comparing that with their own life.
Angie Carter

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