Comments for How do I help my son

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How do I help my son

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Nov 09, 2009
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How to help your Son...
by: Don

Hi Jacki...the first thing I would suggest to you is to read the Iceberg with an eye toward your own childhood and how YOU were wounded. Our parents usually do the best they can but "wounded people, wound people".

In order to help your son, it's important to understand how you were wounded and begin to heal from your own emotional abandonment. This is not to excuse anything -- it's so you can provide credible evidence that there is a way out. It's also to be the one to stop the inter-generational transfer of woundedness.

It's better if both of you get help and healing. Now, given all that, if he is genuinely depressed and stuck -- a good way to support him getting into a counselor might be to find one who knows about the kinds of things I write about in "the Iceberg" (call it Childhood issues, or Adult/Child Syndrome, or growing up in a dysfunctional family). Maybe even go once yourself to discuss your concerns with the counselor.

Then, if your counselor agrees, ask your son to attend a session with you. It may be that you end up starting counseling for you now and he starts later, or the other way around. It may even be that you both do counseling at the same time...maybe in individual sessions with separate counselors.

However it goes, getting started is the main thing. Your counselor can guide you the rest of the way. And you can use these Forums as well... Thanks for your question!

I think there are others out there who have found themselves in your shoes (or in your son's shoes) who can share what they did or what they would have liked.

Don

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This information is not a substitute for professional evaluation and/or treatment. Reading the information contained here may trigger strong emotional reactions. If you have an emergency, call 911, other local emergency contact, your local emergency room, or law enforcement agency.