How and when to say no to your adult child who has 3 kids and in a bad financial situation


(Louisiana)

Recently divorced mid 40's no child support ex is in prison living with a relative with my 17 year daughter in one bedroom at my sisters and she wants us out in 3 months AND have 25 year old daughter with my 3 grandchildren living in government assisted housing in horrible part of town car is breaking down she is in debt and the father of her children has recently been diagnosed schizophrenic and is abusive wont and cant help her with kids at all. Im having a hard enough trying to make it on my own ... Or to be able to move in 3 months. I have no other family at all so don't know where I'm going at all yet. I cant afford rent car note insurance etc on just my income but i make too much for food stamps. My 25 yr old constantly asks for money for diapers or food or bill money... She has no one here but me her father is also in jail. If i keep giving her money ill never be able to afford anything and i worry to death about the situation she is in with those babies. People keep telling me I'm just gonna have to tell her no and let her figure it out. Ive thought it through and through and i don't know what to tell her to do. She had worked her way down in a hole so far that i cant help and i csnt stand it but at the same time it makes me so mad that she got herself where she is and by her mistakes that she keeps making over and over is also becoming my problems. I constantly worry and i don't even know what to do about my situation yet. She has been this way for 6 years and is finally starting to really affect me and I'm so depressed and sad all the time i cant think straight or make concrete decisions anymore and i don't know where to draw the line with her. But i know if something don't give soon I'm end up having a nervous breakdown heart attack or stroke. Ive asked her numerous times for us to get apt together so that way we can help each other but she don't want to. Does anyone have any advice on any of my issues I don't know if its just me not thinking clearly because i stay so stressed or not but i need to come up with dome sort of plan and stick to it m so tired of worrying about my grand babies but if i keep doing for her i will be homeless

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Apr 26, 2015
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Similar situation
by: Anonymous

I have a 29-year old daughter in a similar situation. She has two kids, ages 3 and 7. She has a steady minimum-wage job. She has bad credit, no car. Her boyfriend (children's dad) lives with her, and works sporadically. He watches the kids while she works. They are essentially homeless, bouncing from house to house or living in hotels. My 7-year old grandchild should be finishing first grade, but has not gone to school enough the last two years to even complete Kindergarten. They have had stable places to live in the past, but have gotten evicted for falling behind in rent payments. They've had furniture and other household items given to them that have ended up being set to the road during evictions. They've had help catching up on bills from time to time, only to fall into debt again. They can't even start energy or water in any new place, because they owe back money for that. My daughter insists on staying with her children's dad, at any and all costs, instead of coming to stay with us with her children and get her life back on track. We don't like him, and won't let him live with us. I don't know how to help my daughter and grandchildren anymore. It's my grandchildren I worry about mostly now. I want my granddaughter to come and live with me while she attends school, so I know she is going regularly, but I know she would resent being away from her parents and brother. I am seriously considering calling CPS this next school year if things aren't looking better. It's heartbreaking to watch my daughter ruining the lives of her children.

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