Helping my relationship w/ my lack of communication

by Robert
(Arizona)

I have a hard time expressing my feelings but want to work things out with girlfriend. I tend to hold my feelings in & eventually suppress them. Any tips??

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Jun 08, 2011
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fear of intimacy
by: Anonymous

my new boyfriend has intimacy issues. He has ED, also alot of health problems. I am always kissing, hugging, holding his hand etc, but he never returns a favor, he said its because he is not used to it. He was married twice before, so I am not sure if that he could have had problems from that as well. So even if I can't communicate and tell him it bothers me, i just dont know what to do. Also we live with his brother and his brothers dog, but the problem there is he can touch the dog the way he should be touching me, no fair, why is it different that he not touch me, but he can touch the dog that way. We are soulmates. I have talked to him about me being jealous of the dog, but he says since he hasnt been in a relationship so long and not used to it. PLEASE HELP

Mar 24, 2011
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To Robert
by: Angie Carter

In my case, the inability to express feelings was because of fear. There were a lot of things I was afraid of. For instance, I might appear weak or silly. The person might reject what I was saying or make fun of it. It might seem to others that I was needy or I was afraid that if I was vulnerable someone would take advantage of me and cause me great pain.

I had to work on these fears, many of which were irrational. I had to ask myself...did I want to be authentic and true to myself and take a stand for myself and what I felt or continue to hide from what I felt and not share those feelings. And an even more important questions for me was, WHY did I want to start learning how to share my feelings and become more open. The answer for me was that I wanted to be as "well" and fully functioning as possible and have a happy, healthy marriage.

Working on the irrational beliefs and learning to understand my fears helped a lot. A sponsor and a good therapist helped me achieve those goals. Also it didn't hurt to have a husband who is a very good therapist! :)

I encourage to you to continue down the path of learning to express your feelings. It makes for a much more fulfilling life, even though there is some risk, it is well worth it!~

Angie Carter

Mar 20, 2011
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lack of communication
by: Anonymous

Robert,
I want to say that I think you have half the battle licked, you have admitted that you don't express your feelings well. In my opinion if you start talking to your girlfriend in as open a way as you can you might be surprised how well it goes. Just don't expect things to be all fixed after one talk, it has to become a way of life for you. Expressing feelings can be hard, just remember they are your feelings so use words like I, me, mine to express how you feel. Remember not to accuse your girlfriend, now what I mean?

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