Healing from abandonment

I have just recently reconnected with a girl I accepted as a daughter when she was born and was the only "dad" she has ever known. I am now an alcoholic in recovery bit was not then. When her mother and I split we were notarized and I was gettingarroed. A paternity test was ordered and the results were that I could not be the child's father. At that point over 20 years ago I then dropped all contact with th without any explanation to my daughter. I can tell you I loved her the best I knew how at he time but had extreme feelings of guilt and shame over how I treated her. We have now serendipitously reconnected and I want to make amends on her terms and if she decides she wants me in her life it will be with the boundaries that she devises. Any comments or suggestions to help us both heal, if is not about biology to me and I want to do what's right for her. E reconnected because she came looking for me. Thx

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Apr 06, 2012
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2nd chance - take advantage of it
by: Anonymous

If she came looking for you it's because you have impacted her life on so many different levels. Go with that and start loving her as the daughter she really is. She odviously needs you.

Mar 25, 2012
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Thank you
by: Anonymous

Open and willing, it's like a great void in my soul has been exposed. I really never thought she would want anything to do with me again , you know it's been so long. But I realize I love her deeply just don't want to come on too strong or push her away ever

Mar 25, 2012
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Second Chance!
by: Anonymous

What a story! I think that since she sought you out you are already one step ahead in the healing process. That was a big step for her because, based on your story, she had already once been rejected/abandoned. To not know her changes of success or being met with open arms was very brave of her. It sounds like you are very much open to being a part of her life again. The healing will come as you get to know each other and the boundaries begin to get smaller. She's an adult now and hopefully can look at the situation with adult perspectives and not a child's. Seize the opportunity - we don't often get second chances like that. Good luck to you and keep us posted!

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