Have I done something wrong?

by Carolyn
(Jefferson City)

"I have never felt good enough. Nothing I do is good enough. If I would just....."

I come from a very dysfunctional family, my birth family and my current family. Life just was, until my teenage son started with drugs and alcohol...My world as I knew it came to an end.

After years and years of co-dependent behavior, thinking I was going crazy and just being miserable I finally sought help. A wise man listened to me, after about 10 minutes he gave me a few suggestions but then asked me when I was going to get help for myself. What do you mean help for myself? The problem is with my son not me. He just smiled.

I finally was able to talk with someone about my childhood. The greatest thing that I have learned is that none of this is my fault. How else could I have turned out after what I went through?

Going through this process has been very painful. I can now see how most of the issues that I have now go back to what I went through as a child. I have shed more tears than you can imagine. But I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I still have a lot of work to do, I have to take one day at a time, but I know with continued work and the continued support of Don and all my support groups that eventually one day I will be able to love myself.