Getting OUT

by Jeannie
(Bethalto)

I am the step mother of a near 26 year old heroin addict, his problems were already in play when I met my husband, at the time his son was not yet 4 years old. This child demonstrated extreme anger issues, inability to follow rules of any type which followed him throughout his life. In addition, laws were broken as time progressed and the serious nature of those broken laws increased tremendously.

Now, here we are, with an adult child that has drug addictions, continues to lie, cheat and do whatever he has to say and do to 'get out of his current situation' regardless of what that is. Both of his natural parents tend to lean in the same direction, especially my husband, pay the attorney; pay the bond; pay for the classes to appease the judge and not have 1 single expectation of the child with the problem. Pay those delinquent bills and no expectations of repayment.

I have learned a very hard lesson, no matter how much I love my husband, no matter how much I love my step son, the only person I can help through this is me. If my step son chooses to ruin his life and my husband chooses to not only allow his life to be ruined but actually encourages it by enabling, due to the actions of his son, then so be it.

I pray for each of them.

Comments for Getting OUT

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 12, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
experience strength and hope for families
by: Anonymous

Hi, I'm sorry for your struggles. You didn't say if your step son is an addict or has drug and or alcohol issues. If so the only advice I can give is to learn about the disease of addiction and to seek recovery as a family member in a 12 step program. Alanon is a 12 step recovery support group for families of people suffering with the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. I found it really helped me to have a place to go and talk honestly about my struggles loving and parenting my son with others facing the same struggles.

When you love someone who is caught up in this problem, we family members are often dragged down with them. while they are on a downward spiral of crime and scary behaviour, we are often plagued with depression and anxiety.

Alanon meetings are everywhere. You can look them up for your area on the internet. I'm sure you will find a good support group. I wish you all the best. Good for you for seeking a solution to your problems with your step son.

Fellow mom.

Jan 11, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
WORRIED
by: Anonymous

Your story is my worst nightmare. I came across your story in search of answers of a problem I have been having with my 16 yr old step-son. He has no problem lying and has recently broken the law a few times. After trying to discipline him after the last time his bio-mom gave in (again) because he was "really upset". This boy has all the potential of the world and it is heartbreaking to watch what I feel is a downward spiral. Any advice?

Jan 31, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Support from another mom
by: Anonymous

Sorry for your struggles. You are not alone in your feelings. I have a son who was addicted to heroin too. the more I tried to help him, the more I was bullied. I got help for me, I have been going to Alanon for many years now. Going there and finding out that what I thought was love, what I thought was help, was killing my son. I learned to be strong and really show my love by allowing him to face the consequences of his actions.

It has been a win win situation. First off my son went very low, the streets, charges and a short stint in jail. When he got out, he never wanted to return so he worked hard to turn his life around. I did not jump in and rescue him even then, I let him see how hard it was to get back what he had just taken for granted. He now has a full time job and is no longer doing heroin and treats me with more respect than I could ever have imagined possible. More than most 20 year olds I know who never were drug addicts.

The other win has been for me. I do not want my son to slip and return to the hell he was living but I no longer spend my time obsessing about it and feeling shame. I learned to hold my head high and to get on with my own life.

Good for you for seeing that you cannot control the people around you. and to change yourself. That is where change starts. I wish you all the best.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Enabling Behavior Discussion Forum.