Finally recognizing abandonment as an issue
(Sellersville, PA )
I am 55 years old but still feel like a 12 year frozen in my tracks like a deer in the headlights. I am able to function at my job (barely these days) but as more time goes by the weight of the Iceberg is wearing me down to useless rubble. After reading this article, I guess my ex wife was an externalizer and I the internalizer. We are divorced, I have the kids but feel utterly alone and unable and unworthy of a 'real' relationship.
My rationale I use to keep going is "It's too late for me, but if I can get my kids to adulthood and emotional sobriety before I die, at least my life will have meant something". This isn't working anymore either which is why I'm at this stupid web page pouring my abandonment issues (father left at 5, mom stayed drunk) into anonymity.