Feelings & Emotions

by J

When I attended your workshop in Columbia in October you discussed the difference between feelings & emotions and the affects they can have on our bodies, physically, the tight feeling in our chest, the pain in the pit of our stomach. . . . . but for the life of me I can't recall what you recommended for dealing with this.

Recent events have wreaked havoc in my life. I feel like I'm wrapped up tight & I'm going to suffocate. I feel paralyzed. There are days I can't function. I try to go to my "happy place" but that's impossible when I'm so overwhelmed, I can't run away from these situations, I can't fix them, I know I'm not in control. . of anything.

I have safe people to talk to-I'm wearing them out, I've cried an ocean of tears-there's nothing left, I'm numb. . .I know my children's problems are theirs to handle, to deal with & I'm doing my best to let them find their way. . . but the thoughts, the fears, the worry never leaves, the despair.

The sun is shining outside, but I feel so dark. How can I change this?

J

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Nov 18, 2009
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Re:J
by: Angie Carter

Hello J,
It really struck a chord with me when you said you weren't respecting the other person when you stepped in and tried to take over. I found out through the support groups I attend, that concept is very true. What I am saying to them, in essence is, here let me do it because you either don't know how, or you can't do it fast enough, or you can't do it good enough. I am guilty of thinking all three of things sometimes! Boy, talk about thinking I'm all that!! And I don't even think that's really it, for me it is probably more about control than anything else.

Control so that I can feel secure and safe and not have to get out of my comfort zone. I don't have to allow things done differently. I can just do it myself and feel very about it when I am done! The slogans - Letting Go, Live and Let Live and Easy Does It help me sometimes.

Also, when I feel like control issues are jumping up in my life I can ask myself these three questions: 1. How important is it? 2. Is it any of my business 3. Can I do anything about it? Those have been a life saver for me!


Nov 16, 2009
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Great Advice
by: J

Taking care of myself. . .do I even know how to do that any more? There's never enough time, there's always someone calling my name, someone else creating drama & demanding attention, always an excuse.

But,these last few months I have learned the importance of taking care of the child in me, reassuring her, comforting her, even for a few minutes. It sounds so "pyscho" that's why I find it so easy to forget about her. Thanks for reminding me.

Allowing others to be responsible for themselves is so hard for me, I'm always thinking I have to fix the problem at hand. I'm learning that by stepping in & trying to take over I'm not giving others the respect they deserve, I'm not allowing them to grow & learn.

Thanks for the advice & encouraging words, I lost it for a little bit, but I think I've sorted out those crazy emotions & I'm back on the right path, so many choices to make. . . can be overwhelming sometimes.

Nov 13, 2009
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Give "the Child" Some Attention
by: Anonymous

When I get like that (really bad stomach pain) it really helps for me to cut myself off from people for a little while and just focus on "re-parenting" myself.

I may take a warm bath, rub myself down with some nice smelling lotion, cuddle up with a soft blanket, hug myself, rock myself, etc. While I'm doing this I focus on talking to "the child" inside of me. I reassure her, I comfort her, and I love her. I tell her things like "it's ok", "you're safe with me", "I love you", "you're not alone, I am here".

I know it may sound a little silly but it really does help. People don't help because while they can reach me they can't really reach that "child" (unless of course they are a professional). There's also issues like doubt that I just don't have to deal with when the words and caring are coming from myself.

Nov 11, 2009
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Reaching Out...
by: Don

J -- I'm glad to hear that you are reaching out and not suffering in isolation. It's imperative to have a good support network to rely on. However, sometimes that's not enough...

When one is experiencing the intensity of feelings that you describe, sometimes reaching out for professional help is in order. Especially if nothing else seems to work.

The feelings process you learned at the workshop is helpful for learning to communicate with your emotions and can give you vital information about what you need to do in order to take care of yourself...

Now, at times like these it's good to use the process, or a similar one, with the help of someone else -- That way you can just relax and focus on receiving the message while the other person takes you through the process.

You can find a version of the Seven-Step Feelings Process by copying and pasting the following link into the address bar of your browser: http://www.internet-of-the-mind.com/healthy_teenager.html#feelpro

Also, there may be others out there who are willing to share their experience with something similar...just take what you need and leave the rest!

God Bless!
Don

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