Feeling like I'm trapped in an emotional Ground Hog Day.... Ugh

by Winnie
(Philadelphia)

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Although we consider each other best friends and value the other as an individual, we can't seem to get past "ourselves" in order to be great people together, consistently. We started the relationship fast, with me leaving my life behind to live with him in another state. He suddenly stopped doing all the things he liked doing before our relationship and we both started feeling disappointed, losing aspects of ourselves, not seeing what we used to in the other, and never creating actual boundaries. His nature is to be either aloof or overwhelming, and mine wants consistency and connection.

I used to internalize everything, and he used to help me figure it out... Lol.... Meaning he was very supportive, but everything felt like my problem, especially intimacy. After 4 years I transitioned from being self contained to explosive. He was the one who "had no problems." after 4 years, we found the right therapist, and he eventually started to see his own therapist. i had been seeing one for a year. He started questioning his own actions and feelings, and I started to open up to trusting him and, more importantly myself again.. We started to make progress...a lot of it. Until we moved again. He gave up his job and I am working, and we fight non-stop! Although I know he's an awesome guy, I am starting to doubt again that we are actually supposed to be together. Maybe we are like two different people that almost match up, but can't? I really want a relationship that works together...

But we can hardly go shopping together without someone's feeling that they weren't listened to, we criticized, or not included. We certainly cannot drive together! Separately, we complement each other well.... And I know I have my own side affecting this relationship... I can be critical.... And I am working on it. However, No matter what I do I can't seem to get my husband to work with me.....and I just want to scream.... He just does what he does and I'm left to feel I have to do it his way or the highway....just like before.

I am about to pick the highway.... But I keep getting pulled back into..."things will change" .... Then I wake up in the same day all over again.... Is the hope?

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