feel the fear

by C.
(Europe)

feeling frightened and traumatised for the last four or five days. It is a feeling of impending doom. I obsess over certain things that have happened to me in the past.Even though i have shared about them and made amends were i needed to,the trauma still comes up. No sooner have i got peace with these issues, something else will come to mind and the fear starts again. I feel it maybe a side effect of the wound of abandonment. I am not trusting the universe or higher power that all will be well in the future. I cant live today and be happy just incase someone or thing is going to bring me down , humiliate me or expose me in some way. Maybe this relates to sexual abuse when i was six. I never told anyone and always had a fear that my mother would find out and i would get into trouble.The trauma and fear i am now releasing maybe repressed from that age. The funny thing is i know i will get through this and come out the other side stronger and my wounds would have healed a bit more.

When i am in the midst of this fear no amount of prayer or rationalisation, or convincing myself, will make it disappear. Its like i am transported back to that time to release the trauma. I always try and remember that the soul is bringing ME to a higher point, always, and to feel the fear but not let it control me.

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Aug 16, 2011
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STILL HANGING ON.
by: Anonymous

Thanks for your positive feedback Angie. The fear is almost past now. I have just entered the grieving stage, thank god. I have somehow hung on, and i am begining to regain my trust and the feeling of peace again. C.

Aug 16, 2011
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To C.
by: Anonymous

I can relate to your comment about being in the fear and no amount of prayer or rationalization can make is disappear. I felt that at times with fear, or even very low feelings and sometimes even anger! At those moments I have learned to just hang on and try not to force myself to feel different.
I also like what you said about not giving in to it. I may be having a strong feeling about something, but the difference for me today is that I don't have to ACT on it! Before getting into recovery I seem to act on every feeling I had and I would invariably do something harmful or hurtful to others.
As I progressed in recovery I came to understand that sometimes everything is not going to be okay, but I can pray for attributes that will help me get through those times.
Bad things happen. Some times they happen to me, some times they happen to others. It is a part of life. What I need are skills and help from others to walk it down. Hang onto that part of yourself that tells you "I know I can get through and come out the other side stronger" because it has been my experience that those words are the truth!
Angie Carter

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