feel the fear

by C.
(Europe)

feeling frightened and traumatised for the last four or five days. It is a feeling of impending doom. I obsess over certain things that have happened to me in the past.Even though i have shared about them and made amends were i needed to,the trauma still comes up. No sooner have i got peace with these issues, something else will come to mind and the fear starts again. I feel it maybe a side effect of the wound of abandonment. I am not trusting the universe or higher power that all will be well in the future. I cant live today and be happy just incase someone or thing is going to bring me down , humiliate me or expose me in some way. Maybe this relates to sexual abuse when i was six. I never told anyone and always had a fear that my mother would find out and i would get into trouble.The trauma and fear i am now releasing maybe repressed from that age. The funny thing is i know i will get through this and come out the other side stronger and my wounds would have healed a bit more.

When i am in the midst of this fear no amount of prayer or rationalisation, or convincing myself, will make it disappear. Its like i am transported back to that time to release the trauma. I always try and remember that the soul is bringing ME to a higher point, always, and to feel the fear but not let it control me.