Fed up

by Ashley
(NYC)

I am 44 years old. I have brother who is 42. He's been very abusive toward me our whole lives. As a child my parents knew he needed phychological help but never did anything about it. Any conflict they always brushed under the rug. Now as adults things have been worse. Since he is married to a very unstable minded women that thrives on causing friction in the family. Anyway he just recently verbally attacked me. My husband heard his entire rant and now actually fears for my life. After attacking my brother called my parents and verbally attacked my father. This has been going on for years. I am so fed up with this deranged person abusive behavior. I also feel betrayed by my parents because I can not just brush it under the rug anymore. I am a victim and I want my parents to defend me. Right now I know I M writing my brother off and out of my life forever. I'm just not sure what to do about my parents. I feel very disappointed in them if they continue their relationship with him. Should I disconnect etc myself from them as well?

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May 08, 2015
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Don't be afraid to eliminate family
by: Stay strong

I could not possibly disagree with Angie more. Eliminating family is ok. It does solve problems. Many of them. When we are taught that family at all cost what that means is all cost to you. Have some pride and self worth. Don't be afraid to do what needs to be done. You sound to me as though you are on the right path. Just stay strong and follow thru. The most important person in your life is you. Protect you. Your parents chose their path. You can not choose for them. We all have to pay for our actions. Your parents chose your brother. The rest is up to you. I wish you well, and good luck.

Nov 16, 2013
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To "Fed up"
by: Angie Carter

I can certainly understand how you feel, sometimes the sibling that has the most problems seem to get all the attention and they also get enabled and the child who tries to do right and follow the norms, end up with very little as far as emotional needs being met. Sometimes that child isn't even protected or stood up for!
Strange dynamics, and it can be VERY hurtful, but fortunately we can learn to 'reparent' that child self that is within us and that has needs. There are many people out there who are never going to get what they need from their parents. We can certainly voice our concerns and our needs to them, but sometimes nothing changes. And severing the relationship with them usually doesn't fix anything.
Listening to that "inner child" voice within us takes practice, but over time we can hear it and provide it with what it needs. That 'inner child' is the part of us that holds our vulnerable feelings, whether it be a sense of sadness, loss, emptiness, feeling less than, lonely, not good enough, or even be angry! You can envision that part as a child as listen to it just as you would any other child you cared about.
There's a lot of good information on this site about discovering parts of ourselves and how to care for ourselves. Sometimes getting other people to change to meet our needs proves to be ineffective.
Happy reading and good luck with what can possibly be a new and exciting journey for you! Angie Carter

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