Fed up Mom who enables my 20 yr old son

by Felicia Smith
(Slidell, La United States)

Hi my name is Felicia. I'm so tired of the drama from one day to the next with my 20 year old son. The enabling started when he was little. I was a single parent raising him and trying to be the mother and father in his life. I always felt the need to over compensate with him, so he would not feel bad about not having his real father in his life.

Now he is 20 years old, he has been evicted from his apartment, lies constantly, lives in a dream world, owes everyone in the world money including myself and his grandmother, sold everything he has ever owned, and to top it off has a baby on the way. Wow!!! I feel sorry for my grand baby! He needs a child like he needs a hole in his head. He can not take care of himself much less a baby. He can not manage his finances; he lives for today without ever thinking about his future. He is selfish and self centered. He is all about himself!

When he was living at home, my husband and I put him out from steeling from us on several occasions. We finally convinced him to join the Army National Guard; so he could have some kind of hope to make a future for himself. He was gone for 6 months and that was the best time in my life. I did not have to worry about where he was and if he was getting into trouble. When I knew he was returning home, I was sick to my stomach knowing after boot camp and training were over I would have to deal with him once again. I had this hope when he returned from the military; he would have learned some valuable life lessons that would make him an honest man. That did not prove true and yet again I was disappointed.

I have felt so much guilt for his behavior and actions. I always wonder where I went wrong as his parent. I know he has it in him to be a good man. I love him so much but, sometimes I can?t stand to look at him, because he has a choice to do better, but doesn?t. Is this wrong? Will he ever grow up?

Thank you for letting me vent. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Sincerely,
Felicia Smith