Enabling behavior is born out of our instinct for love. It's only natural to want to help someone we love, but when it comes to certain problems -- helping is like throwing a match on a pool of gas.
In the true sense of the word, to enable is to supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity to be or do something -- to make feasible or possible.
In it's true form, then, Enabling behavior means something positive. It's our natural instinct to reach out and help someone we love when they are down or having problems.
However, when we apply it to certain problems in living - addiction, chronic financial trouble, codependency, certain forms of chronic depression -- enabling behaviors have the reverse effect of what is intended.
Here are some examples...
The need for an external focus, along with other lessons of childhood prepare a person for addiction to enabling behavior.
Take a look at how the signs of addiction match the signs of codependency.
Early Stage
Middle or "Crucial" Stage
Late or "Chronic" Stage
Are you a helping professional? Someone caught-up in/or recovering from enabling behaviors? Just want to learn more about Codependency & Enabling?
This Forum is a place you can share your experience... ask questions, give feedback, tell a relevant story about enabling, comment on others contributions, or just communicate with people who share your interest in these topics.
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Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
Full of despair and hopelessness.
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All I think about is my sons and how they are getting in trouble. I have no peace. When they have a bad day, I have a bad day. I do not know how much ...
The Other Mother
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My 25 year old stepson is a meth user now for 7 years (that I know of) doesn't work, lives off people, has been jail at least 13 times. Husband says he'...
Ashamed & Struggling
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Hi there,
I was once told I was enabling my husband to continue down a path of self destruction. I guess I understood at the time that I was an enabler ...
Too Much
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I have a 28 year old son that I have been enabling... He has a serious addiction to cocaine, grass and prescription medications. His brother was killed ...
Responsibility
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I waited and waited for years for people to treat me the way I thought I wanted to be treated. But, as soon as someone treated me 'good' I lost interest ...
Help with communication!!!
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I need some advice. I know that I am an enabler. I have been for many years. However, after I got divorced, I swore - as many do - that I would be a ...
My Heart is Breaking
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My 24 yr old son (stepson actually) brought in the new year with a car crash, dui, and dislocated hip. He had no insurance, was driving an unregistered ...
Am I enabling my room mate?
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We have a room mate who is dating a woman who I believe is not right for him (they are both codependent; he is a rescuer and she is the victim).
Problem:...
Is this Enabling?
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My in-laws are providing everything for my husbands new apartment. He has decided he wants a divorce and is moving out on his own. Problem is he has ...
Need Help
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I think I am an Enabler... I am scared. I know think we need counseling (my wife and I). I can relate to a lot of the symptoms (?), depression, drama ...
Getting a Grasp
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Enabling is destroying my life. My son has recently been arrested again for drinking on probation. He was in jail for 7 days and I unplugged my phones,...
Overcoming Self-Doubt
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Self -doubt is probably one of the hardest obstacles I will have to overcome...
It's interesting how now that I've learned to recognize enabling behaviors ...
Enabler and Desperate
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I can't Stop! My son is a drug addict. At present he is living on his own in what used to be a crack house. He rents a bachelor apt. (More like a bedroom....
I've established new boundaries for a bad situation. What about sex?
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No short way to say this. I will try. My bipolar, antisocial personality disorder husband who has recently admitted to being a drug addict, (by stealing ...
Enabler for years to a bipolar turned addict, my husband
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I came mainly took look for stories I could read about how to work on my problem. My husband of 7 years has finally admitted he's an addict to pain pills ...
A Chronic Enabler
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In my search for love at an early age (child), I have learned to be an enabler. Because situations beyond my control, I began to look for love in all ...
A reminder in the importance of avoiding getting caught up in the drama triangle
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I have been very ill over the past week. What started off as a fever, congestion, and sore throat has been creeping down my chest and I now suspect I may ...
How do I Break the Cycle of Enabling?
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My son is 29 years old and I have been enabling him his whole life. He is an alcohlic and drug user. He's been in trouble with the law, reckless ops,...
What am I? Codependent /Enabler/Love Addicted?
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I was married to an alcoholic/drug addict for 20 years. We had 2 children. I went through hell with this man, made excuses for him, covered for him in ...
Thank you
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Thank you so much for you web site and contributions. I have put up with my husband's anger and childish behavior for 16 years. We have been in couple'...
Love and Compassion Contaminated by Co-dependency
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I confess that I am not sure how, where, who, or when I became a co-dependent. The was no one person to pin the blame on, simply the environment that I ...
FAMILY TRADITIONS
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I have had to come to terms with the legacy of enabling that has been passed along in my family for several generations. I recall in great detail how ...
Boundary Setting with Teens - Not that Easy!
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There has been much talk about boundary setting when it comes to dealing with teens or other loved ones who are dependent on alcohol, substances, or other ...
He's Being Forced to Face the Pain
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Last night my husband and I talked for the first time since I took refuge in a domestic abuse shelter. It was strange seeing how he would talk about how ...
Mr. Fix-It
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For years all of my helping behavior has only helped others stay stuck. I have deprived them of the opportunity to be accountable.
I'm learning and it really WORKS!
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I have actually been able to get along with people better since I started applying some of the information I learned on this website. I'm no longer left ...
Enabling behavior
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A friend of mine is going through a terrible time with her husband, she continues to catch him talking and texting other women. He is also an alcoholic ...
DENIAL
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I have learned that when I am in denial, I cannot see that I am. I attend Codependents Anonymous, where I share and listen to others.
Sometimes my ...
Dear Livinginhope
Not rated yet
I am not going to give you advice, as the 12 step program that I attend teaches me not to do this. I will only tell you that your decision to not have ...
The following is a variation on the Drama Triangle I refer to as the Punishment/Forgiveness Cycle. The "Punisher/Forgiver", usually the Codependent, is the Persecutor/Rescuer...the "Punished/Forgiven", a problem person, is the Victim.
Click the Image Below to Review the Punishment/Forgiveness Cycle:
Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Analyzing Relationship Problems
This information is not a substitute for professional evaluation and/or treatment. It is presented for informational purposes only. If you have an emergency, dial 911 or try your local Emergency Room or law enforcement agency.