Enabling Behavior - Loving Too Much

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Finally admitting enabling adult daughter 
After 3 years of caring for my daughter's children, having relocated, left job and used all savings, she found new man who is mean to her children. I told ...

Concerned about newphews and neices daily cares, abuse, and emotional health 
My brother is an addict and has mental illness. He is unable to take care of himself and is financially over $200,000 in debt and that is since he filed ...

When does helping stop and enabling begin? 
Approximately 2 months ago my mid-40's brother was diagnosed with cancer. Knowing that employment had been unstable for many years and my brother and his ...

today i feel 
Too tired to read watch tv, beyond hate my mother want to kill my sister, seriously craving going in to the sea for good.

Enabling our 21 year old son to become a professional cyclist. 
My son has always been the sporty type and he is really focused on becoming a professional cyclist. We are proud he has a focus and wants to follow his ...

How to stop the enabling for adult child with child. 
My daughter is in her late twenties, has a child that is 3, gets rental assistance, she works a full time job..for now, they have been sporadic, has daycare ...

Dealing With It 
I come from a family of enabler/codependent people as well as addicts. During my childhood, I was subjected to addictive behaviors, violence, and abuse ...

Anonymous 
I have a 20 year old SS and a bd they are 3months apart, my husband and I have been together almost 19 years and married 11 of those. Since day one I have ...

Fed up Mom who enables my 20 yr old son 
Hi my name is Felicia. I'm so tired of the drama from one day to the next with my 20 year old son. The enabling started when he was little. I was a single ...

being ignorant to the signs 
I have a 23 yr old son, I raised him myself and when he turned 18, he wanted to go live with his father in Las Vegas. He kept in touch sporadically. After ...

Exhausted by 21 y.o daughter's behaviour 
I need to vent....
My 21 year old daughter has caused our family one drama after another, since early teens. Her boyfriend who is 55 (absolutely disgusted)...

Am I a jerk ? 
I am recently remarried. My current wife has a son "Harry" who is 23 yrs. old and is addicted to heroin. He was in outpatient rehab several months ago ...

Breaking the enabling cycle 
I'm a recovered addict with an incredibly enabling mother. She raised my kids for a little while when I was using. She was just letting them run wild and ...

Answers? 
NOTE:

I found the following new post buried in an old post. I wanted it to get more attention so moved it here. Unfortunately, I lost the information ...

enabling a person who has a mental issue 
MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD HAS BECOME AN ENABLING PERSON TO ANOTHER PERSON THAT SHE SHARED A BUSINESS WITH YEARS AGO, THEY ALSO HAVE A HOME TOGETHER. THE ...

Guilt Guilt Guilt 
My adopted son is 39 1/2. on physical disability. he gets barely enough to get gas, meds and groceries, so i pay all his expenses as i never want to see ...

HOW DO I STOP 
MY SON IS 35 YRS OLD AND IS CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO HEROIN. HE HAS GONE FROM ALCOHOL, COCAINE AND NOW HIS DRUG OF CHOICE IS HEROIN. I ALWAYS BELIEVE THE ...

18 yr old daughter out of control 
My daughter started her plight in middle school. Last summer she actually assaulted me and ended up in drug rehab for 6 months. When she got out in February,...

Mother in need 
My mother raised 3 children by herself when her husband committed suicide when the children were 4,6 and 8. The oldest has suffered from alcoholism, drug ...

CONFLICTED & CONFUSED 
I have been married almost five years and for most of that time my wife has suffered with depression. She didn't admit that she had been diagnosed with ...

18 year old Daughter out of control 
I am confused and not sure where to turn. My daughter who recently turned 18 has me on an emotional rollercoaster. When she was 12 her father and I divorced ...

Why do I put myself through this heartache? 
I can't find a boyfriend or girlfriend and when I do I latch on quickly. like after one day of talking I imagine myself dating then being with them all ...

Wife in name only 
I have been married 25 years to a man that uses drugs, drinks(I don't) we do not sleep together. we have a 14 year old son that I adore, that he brought ...

my girlfriend says she loves me ,but she is an addict 
I've been dating a girl since Sept and when i met her she was in the bible recovering from substance abuse. she says she loves me and I'm the best thing ...

How can I get over 8 years of personal hell on earth? 
I just finally ended an 8 year relationship with a man by summoning up enough courage to call the police to remove him from my home. I thought I would ...

At a crossroad 
I have been with my fiancee for over three years. He suffers from what seems like depression and add although he won't receive help so none of it is diagnosed ...

At a Crossroad 
I have been with my fiancee for over three years. He suffers from what seems like depression and ADD although he won't receive help so none of it is diagnosed ...

How to Forgive/Move On From Abandonment/Codependency and Abuse?? 
Hi,

I am a 31 year old who is at her wit's end. At the age of 2 1/2 my parents divorced, I moved to another state with my mother while my older sister ...

My husband's fifty one and fifty two year old daughters still come to him for money 
I am married to a man who has two daughters from a previous marriage. They are fifty-one and fifty-two years old. Both are divorced and each has a teen ...

Getting OUT 
I am the step mother of a near 26 year old heroin addict, his problems were already in play when I met my husband, at the time his son was not yet 4 years ...

MY DAUGHTER IS A STUPID OUT OF CONTROL TWEAKER 
MY 25 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER ONLY CHILD IS A TOTAL DISSAPOINTMENT, I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER WHEN EVERY SHE NEEDED ME, SO WHEN I TOLD MY LOVE OF MY LIFE THAT ...

Pastoral Problem 
I'm the pastor of a small parish and one of our elders is a woman who has major control issues. She's very good at manipulating every situation to make ...

DRUG ADDICTED BPD ADULT DAUGHTER 
WE ADOPTED OUR DAUGHTER IN 1987 WHEN SHE WAS ONE MO. OLD. I AND HER FATHER DETERMINED TO MAKE UP FOR ANYTHING SHE POSSIBLY COULD HAVE MISSED BY THE FACT ...

How do I protect my granddaughter without enabling her mother? 
My 25 year old daughter has difficulty with responsibility, and continues
to make poor decisions. In the midst of this irresponsibility is my 2 1/2 year ...

loves2much 
I'm still lost. - just realized I was enabling my teenage daughter. Now I sit here trying to learn how not to enable her any longer.

clueless mom 
I've enabled my 29 year old son, who is a drug addict, bipolar disorder, probably obsessive/compulsive disorder for at least 10 to 15 years. Very tired,...

Is my mother being an enabler/codependent? 
My parents were married for over 25 years with my dad being an alcoholic. I realized that my mother was an enabler/codependent during their marriage. They ...

Am I my own enabler? 
I am seriously overweight and it's getting worse. Sometimes I think that I am slowly committing suicide, so I just eat more. I know that I would never ...

Enabling a person with Panic Anxiety/Depression, Highly Sensitive disorders 
I am the mother of a 50 year old daughter who has issues with depression, panic-anxiety disorder and is a highly sensitive person. We began living together ...

Prime Example of a Classic Enabler - New Discovery 
I'm not really sure when it "hit" me that I was an enabler, people had been telling me that virtually all my life. I never read about it or completely ...

What do I do now? 
Everything is crashing down all at once. I was first told that I was codependent two years ago but didn't quite believe the diagnosis. I kept saying to ...

Friend envious and ungrateful behaviour 
Hi
I started up a not for profit arts org for like-minded artists to earn income from the sale of their work and from teaching .

My friend has been ...

I am an enabler that has been abused and want to stop 
AGE 46 Mother of 2 sons.Their dad never had time for them so I stepped in and made up the love for them. I just left a 29 yr marriage and met the man of ...

From the other side of Bipolar Disorder 
Hello all,
I am a woman living with bipolar disorder, diagnosed at age 17. My mom has always been incredibly supportive, occasionally (well, ok - more ...

I'm on a roller coaster  
Dear People,

I'm so confused. I have discovered recently that I am codependent. This took me by such shock. I'm 50 and I have believed my entire ...

I feel so angry 
I don't even know where to begin. I want a solution. My husband has a ministry and is totally devoted to it. He has neglected any and all personal responsibility ...

I keep bailing out my grown daughter with money. 
My 41 y/o daughter who has 2 grown children has a long history of losing or quitting jobs, 3 failed marriages, a long history with an abusive boyfriend-...

I am trying to learn and stop enabling behaviors 
I HAVE A 23 YEAR OLD SON, WHO IS AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT. THE FAMILY IS IN AN UPROAR REGARDING THIS. WANT HIM TO GET HELP, BUT EXCUSES SEEM REAL AND VERY ...

New edition to an enabling/addicted family - What is my place? 
Two years ago (age 38) I met my soul mate. We have been married one year, our relationship fits the first description of enabling, we are each better people ...

Clueless parent! 
How does a parent deal with an adult child that has a dual diagnosis. There's little question that we as parents have been enablers of our older daughter ...

I'm an enabler to my addict boyfriend  
We have been together for 3 years, I feel responsible for his addiction because he wasn't so deep into it when we first met each others,now he is an addict ...

I do love too much 
I have been married for 18 years, second marriage for my husband, second for me. when we met he was (or so I thought) a non-drinker like myself. we dated ...

I just can't put him on the street... 
My son was pretty well behaved during high school. Graduated. Had a job. Moved in with his girlfriend and seemed to be doing well. Yeah we knew he smoked ...

OH God can I die now? 
Once upon a time there was this little boy who had to live thru things that little boys should never have to live through.

Then the boy grew up.

Once ...

24 yr Hits Mom 
All I have done in my life is try to make other people happy. My son since he turned a teenager has hated me. I stood by my rules. His has very little ...

My son suffers from General Anxiety Disorder- His father said I've enabled him. 
My son is now suffering from GAD and social phobia. He grew up from two households, whenever he comes home from his father, he was always angry at his ...

Enabling Father with Sadistic ego 
My father is affluent and consistently rewards my sister with thousands of dollars. My sister is hitting bottom. I have been in recovery for ten years ...

Sons death from an enabling parent. 
I buried my oldest step-son one month ago. He actually died from a drug overdose, but his mother and step father enabled him by giving him a place to ...

To Similar Situation 
It's now been almost one month since we found out that my wife's two kids were dealing in drugs,
using and selling. One had a relapse about a week ago ...

Ending this torment 
My 27 year old son is a recovering crack cocaine addict and an alcoholic. He has been in trouble with the law since he was 16. He has a job but no license ...

Mom is tired of helping everyone 
NEED HELP IN SAYING ENOUGH!

Wife the enabler 
My wife is the enabler to her kids, I'm the step dad. I have been married two years and
have been trying to tell her that she is not helping the kids....

Help! 
I am 20 years old. My boyfriend is a drug addict. He has been to rehab. He is on probation and has no job. he constantly asks me for money for side jobs ...

Tears flowing Again 
As I sit here and read, I realize what I must do and it is literally breaking my heart. My 34 year old Son (only child) has started drinking again after ...

I'm an Enabler and I'm going to do something about it! 
My 23 y/o son moved back in with my husband and I last year after he lost his job at a grocery store for buying beer for an under-age co-worker. Unfortunately,...

12 steps in mental illness with addiction 
As a person who suffers from bipolar depression first and foremost and became dependent/abused one of my medications - klonopin, I found myself being treated ...

No Guts!! 
I also have a 29 yr. old son who is not doing anything with his life; have always had trouble with him: very picky, stubborn as a baby; did not do well ...

Moody, dramatic husband 
I am living with my husband overseas in an intentional community. Our roles here involve working on the farm, in workshops and caring for people we are ...

No Boundaries 
I know I am the main enabler and codependent of my 24 year old son. He is a heroin addict. He has spent 8 months using, 3-4 months in recovery every ...

Better Late than Never 
I am the Mother of a 30 year old drug addict. For the past 10-13 years I have enabled my son.

Is it possible to enable paranoia? 
An epiphany hit me this morning: my wife and I are having problems rooted in communication (or lack thereof, or dysfunctional). In the past several months,...

Chronic Enabler 
For some reason I never thought of myself as an enabler. The word popped in my head and I decided to investigate more deeply.

I watched my mom bullied ...

Full of despair and hopelessness. 
All I think about is my sons and how they are getting in trouble. I have no peace. When they have a bad day, I have a bad day. I do not know how much ...

The Other Mother 
My 25 year old stepson is a meth user now for 7 years (that I know of) doesn't work, lives off people, has been jail at least 13 times. Husband says he'...

Ashamed & Struggling 
Hi there,

I was once told I was enabling my husband to continue down a path of self destruction. I guess I understood at the time that I was an enabler ...

Too Much 
I have a 28 year old son that I have been enabling... He has a serious addiction to cocaine, grass and prescription medications. His brother was killed ...

Responsibility 
I waited and waited for years for people to treat me the way I thought I wanted to be treated. But, as soon as someone treated me 'good' I lost interest ...

Help with communication!!! 
I need some advice. I know that I am an enabler. I have been for many years. However, after I got divorced, I swore - as many do - that I would be a ...

My Heart is Breaking 
My 24 yr old son (stepson actually) brought in the new year with a car crash, dui, and dislocated hip. He had no insurance, was driving an unregistered ...

Am I enabling my room mate? 
We have a room mate who is dating a woman who I believe is not right for him (they are both codependent; he is a rescuer and she is the victim).

Problem:...

Is this Enabling? 
My in-laws are providing everything for my husbands new apartment. He has decided he wants a divorce and is moving out on his own. Problem is he has ...

Need Help 
I think I am an Enabler... I am scared. I know think we need counseling (my wife and I). I can relate to a lot of the symptoms (?), depression, drama ...

Getting a Grasp 
Enabling is destroying my life. My son has recently been arrested again for drinking on probation. He was in jail for 7 days and I unplugged my phones,...

Enabler and Desperate 
I can't Stop! My son is a drug addict. At present he is living on his own in what used to be a crack house. He rents a bachelor apt. (More like a bedroom....

I've established new boundaries for a bad situation. What about sex? 
No short way to say this. I will try. My bipolar, antisocial personality disorder husband who has recently admitted to being a drug addict, (by stealing ...

Enabler for years to a bipolar turned addict, my husband 
I came mainly took look for stories I could read about how to work on my problem. My husband of 7 years has finally admitted he's an addict to pain pills ...

A Chronic Enabler 
In my search for love at an early age (child), I have learned to be an enabler. Because situations beyond my control, I began to look for love in all ...

How do I Break the Cycle of Enabling? 
My son is 29 years old and I have been enabling him his whole life. He is an alcohlic and drug user. He's been in trouble with the law, reckless ops,...

What am I? Codependent /Enabler/Love Addicted? 
I was married to an alcoholic/drug addict for 20 years. We had 2 children. I went through hell with this man, made excuses for him, covered for him in ...

Thank you 
Thank you so much for you web site and contributions. I have put up with my husband's anger and childish behavior for 16 years. We have been in couple'...

Love and Compassion Contaminated by Co-dependency 
I confess that I am not sure how, where, who, or when I became a co-dependent. The was no one person to pin the blame on, simply the environment that I ...

FAMILY TRADITIONS 
I have had to come to terms with the legacy of enabling that has been passed along in my family for several generations. I recall in great detail how ...

Boundary Setting with Teens - Not that Easy! 
There has been much talk about boundary setting when it comes to dealing with teens or other loved ones who are dependent on alcohol, substances, or other ...

Mr. Fix-It 
For years all of my helping behavior has only helped others stay stuck. I have deprived them of the opportunity to be accountable.

Enabling behavior 
A friend of mine is going through a terrible time with her husband, she continues to catch him talking and texting other women. He is also an alcoholic ...

DENIAL 
I have learned that when I am in denial, I cannot see that I am. I attend Codependents Anonymous, where I share and listen to others.

Sometimes my ...

How to change things . .  
My step-son is bipolar and he has a volatile temper. If you disagree with him or try to ask him what caused his present depression state of mind he blows ...

my 46 year old husband runs home to his mother whenever I confront him about his drinking  Not rated yet
my 46 year old husband keeps running home to his mother especially after any confrontation about his drinking.we also have a four year old daughter whom ...

Discovering the power of self-awareness/ Trying to figure it all out  Not rated yet
My mother was absent, my father an abusive alcoholic. My older brother the responsible child and I was the lost child. I had intense hate that consumed ...

My WIfe  Not rated yet
My wife has been addicted to opiates/heroin for 6 years. During the first few years of our marriage, I was deployed overseas in the Army. She did stick ...

Love my sister too much  Not rated yet
Realizing what an enabler I really am. My sister is an alcoholic, I'm a recovering drug addict who still drinks occasionally, my dad is an alcoholic (dry ...

I say NO and cave when it comes to my 19 year old son  Not rated yet
I completely relate to what Felicia wrote about her 20 year old son and felt some relief to see a similar experience except my son isn't as functioning ...

Mother enabling with food and money  Not rated yet
My beau gets drunk and his mom does nothing and never has no matter what my pleads are i have been so desperate and she hangs up on me and then she buys ...

recovering from Co dependence  Not rated yet
My sister left a message that my dad died today. The problem is that I have never been close to my dad. They got divorced when I was 4 years old. He has ...

23 year old son and mom  Not rated yet
My son could get partial unemployment, but he says he would have to go through too much to apply. I carry all the bills and he doesn't pay towards anything....

TORN  Not rated yet
My daughter is 21 and has been drinking behind my back since she was 14. She now has a pretty good tolerance for alcohol. I do believe she has a problem ...

How to motivate my 26 years old to get a job  Not rated yet
My daughter came home after finishing her college more than four years ago. She has gone through anxiety, depression, rage and episodes of paranoia. She ...

Marital Problems  Not rated yet
have had 2.5 years in recovery from addiction and now believe I'm married to a codependent. He is stubborn and seriously suffering from symptoms of co-...

advice?  Not rated yet
Hi. I have been told I am an enabler by a friend of mine. she's had a tough past year- tough to the extreme, and we'd talked about enabling behavior before,...

Hell  Not rated yet
David is finally, after being ordered by the court, to get treatment for crack addiction. I didn't know he was an addict until after I had fallen in love ...

Looking back  Not rated yet
Don't play " Foxes and Rabbits" when you're the rabbit.

I remember my mother telling me it was a game. I never knew how to play the game. Now I understand ...

I unconditionally love my husband  Not rated yet
My husband had a revelation that the missing passion in his life is a problem he doesn't want to live with. I'm a passionate person but my husband doesn'...

I am in an emotionally abusive marriage, so what about change?  Not rated yet
I have realized that for about the past 9 or 10 years,I've been in an enabling, co-dependent marriage. Thinking everything was my fault, I've brought nearly ...

Hands tied....  Not rated yet
I am the sister of an enabler, it is breaking my heart to watch her life even from 12 hours away! She has allowed this man to drag her down, mentally, emotionally,...

I am a Classic Enabler.  Not rated yet
I can't believe I have enabled my girlfriend for so long. It's getting worse.

After a long separation 6 months, we are together again and have a ...

Am I really an enabler? Help!  Not rated yet
I am raising my son who is 21 y/o. Since his father and I split up, I tried to me a mom and dad
for him. At age 8, he was exposed to immoral behavior ...

Dear Livinginhope  Not rated yet
I am not going to give you advice, as the 12 step program that I attend teaches me not to do this. I will only tell you that your decision to not have ...