Enabling

by C
(new york city)

I am the child of an alcoholic. Growing up, I wasn't strong enough and didn't do anything to try to stop my mother from drinking. In fact, I contributed to it by making her drinks, cleaning up after her and making sure she got to bed safe. When I grew up, I grew to hate alcohol and people that drank..even casually. Ironically (or maybe not), I'm in a relationship with someone who thinks he's an alcoholic. He has stopped drinking but was doing so, on the weekends, for 3 years of our relationship. He would drink mostly on the weekends with his friends and many times with me. We would go to bars, at his request and he would get shit faced. I would have 1 or 2 but would spend 99% of my time worrying about him. At the end of the night, I would carry him to the train, hold his head while he puked and everything else that goes along with a drunken night. The whole time I would be thinking about my mother and how again, I'm failing to say/do anything. I don't know if I was making excuses for myself when I told myself "it's only on the weekends," or "It's his life."
Then one day he tells me "I think I have a problem." And once again, I completely failed, I let it happen, just like I did with my mother.

I was wondering if there is therapy for enablers to not be enablers anymore. I don't want to fail anymore. Thanks.

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May 23, 2012
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Enabling and Codependency
by: Jen

Wow you are so brave to write on here! And for you to recognise there is a problem is the first step. I come from a long line of codependent women in my family. People who like to rescue others. I am attracted to needy men who have addictions-porn, sex, love, drink.
I have joined a group called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous- it is a life line for me. It's a programme based from Alcoholics Anonymous- and there is a programme called Al-a-non which is for people like yourself. Look it up and then start the journey. It's not your fault that you rescued your mum-it was the only way to cope with her behaviour when you were a kid. Now that you have this awareness about codependency-you can go and get more help. It's a hard journey, but you can do it!!!

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