DOUBLE ABANDONMENT

by Kathie Grace
(Baltimore Md)

When I was five years old my mother and father split up. There were four children involved. My brother and I were put in a foster home. My older sister and younger brother went to stay with Paternal grandparents. Nothing was explained to us. Father visited on time during foster care. Mother maybe twice. Never a phone call. Foster parents were cold and unloving.

One day I was put in a foster home by myself. I thought I had did something so wrong and evil to have all my family gone. After three foster homes mother came and got me and took me home with her. When she visited one time she ask me if I wanted to come home with her. I felt no emotion whatsoever, but pretended to be happy. Mother showed no affection and gave harsh punishment when I got bit by dog, when I got my period was screamed at for not knowing how to put sanitary belt on. beer throw in eyes. Sexually molesting by stepfather.

I got pregnant at 14 ,was kicked out bags and baggage's. Father of child married me. Marriage lasted 13 years. I felt self hatred and bad all the time, I always feared God's rejection and being sent to hell to be punished forever. Low self esteem, even though nice looking good personality.

I am 58 years old now, still serving God, finally realized that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me and in the book of Psalms God said when thy Father and thy mother forsake thee, then I will take thee up. That is in my heart now. Have a great compassion for children and very sensitive to their feelings.

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Feb 01, 2011
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True LOVE Wins
by: Anonymous

God Bless you - I know your hurt.
BUT... I and you have & will continue to win - for LOVE overcomes all, thank GOD!

Sep 27, 2010
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GLAD YOU ARE ON THE MEND.
by: KATHIE GRACE

I finally have come to the conclusion that God is never going to abandon me. He said "that he will never leave me or forsake me." I'm trusting my boyfriend a lot more now too. Of course he does his very best to make me feel secure in his love.
I think that's important to have a partner who is going to support you, even when he knows you have this terrible core wound of abandonment.

Aug 18, 2010
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I AGREE
by: KATHIE GRACE

I'm also sorry for your loss. I also had turned to alcohol, But God took that from me, because I was heading for disaster. I have to take medicine now for bipolar. Lamictal, I was talking nerve pills on a regular basis, but Im' starting not to need them as much. Thank God.

I'm learning to trust more and that helps my relationship with my boyfriend who by the way loves me dearly and is supportive of my core abandonment wound. There is hope for us. I'm a living testament of that. I know if you keep trusting in God, he will also heal you my friend.

Aug 18, 2010
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Returning to God
by: Anonymous

Hi Kathie,

You have been through a lot of heartache, but you have come through it with the help of God and of course your own willingness to get well. I to have turned to god to help me recover from the abandonment in my life.

To me God is love and that love should have come through my parents to help me grow as a healthy human beings. When that love was not passed on to me, i felt lonely and disconnected from my parents from life and ultimately from God, which is why i turned to Alcohol.

I am now beginning to realise my abandonment was not my fault, although the shame around it still lingers, but it is not my shame it is the shame of my parents and their parents,etc.The only way i can rid myself of this shame is to break the cycle and love my self and my children unconditionally.

I pray for my family and wish them good things but i really do it to give my self peace of mind.
Thanks for your positive message.

Love and peace, Coamhin


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