don't know what to do

My daughter is 31 years old. I blame myself for leaving their father when she was 18, my oldest son was 21 and my youngest was 10. My youngest doesn't have any problems but my oldest son has social anxiety disorder and drinks too much, does not hold a job. He and his fiancee live with my ex. I contributed that to his ADD and the fact that my dad enabled him. My dad passed two years ago and I am now the enabler which I probably always was. This is not about him anyway. I thought it was love but it's not... Anyway my daughter has anxiety a trait she inherited from my mother. My kids grew up in a loving well off environment, never abused a day in their life and they are very spoiled. My daughter started drinking heavily when her anxiety started up around 22 - 24 years old. She was on her own so I didn't realize it. Eventually she went from one bad relationship to another and she lets every one tear her apart. Although I have tried to give her back the self esteem the guys have taken away from her. But I know that she is too quick to jump into bed and wonders why these boys don't want to start a relationship with her. She was in a 3 year relationship that she finally walked out on but can not let go of. she goes from one job to another because she gets drunk and doesn't show up or her anxiety goes out of control. She has moved back in with me and stupid me let her get a pit bull puppy as she was so depressed and missed her pit that her and her ex had together. My boyfriend who is always right (so annoying) told me not to do it and I didn't listen, now that dog, who I do love she is a sweety, is chewing up my house and destroying everything. She's a puppy and I understand that but my daughter does not give her what she needs in relationship to exercise and training. I want to find the dog a new home but that would put my daughter over the edge. She now found out that her ex's new girlfriend is pregnant and the guy she is now interested in (she slept with him on first date saying she didn't thinks she was going to care about him which makes no sense to me) is now seeing someone else after only 4 days. Big news.. I could have predicted that. maybe I'm old school but I'm only 54 and I've never drank so I don't understand it at all. I know I enable but I'm so scared she will take her life. She won't listen to me, I did have her sign a contract about the dog and she is semi following it when I remind her. I also set down rules about not coming home drunk and she has been pretty good about that at least not annoying drunk but she still drinks and just comes home after I'm asleep. She is interviewing for jobs but spends most of her time in bed reading, tv or sleeping. Her moods are like Dr jekyll and Mr Hyde. when she thought this new guy liked her she was so happy and up and normal then two days later she finds out that he has a girlfriend all of a sudden and she take a sleeping pill and won't talk to me just says she doesn't want to think about anything. I can't live this way, I can't kick her our. She needs major help but she says she wants to drink. I know if she would quit drinking her anxiety meds would help her. the alcohol and the too quick to jump in head over heals with any boy is ruining her life. She wasn't raised this way and I can't help but feel like its all my fault. If I have just stayed with her dad who I still love and we are great friends. But I was drowning with no support from him. He doesn't discipline and he was very dependent on me also. Maybe I should just take the sleeping pill and not deal with anyone or anything ever again.

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Mar 08, 2012
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replay to Don
by: dont know what to do

Don, you are right but I was being facetious. I am as stable as they come. I have no issues and never have. I am owner of my own company and I am self supportive. I am strong and everyone relies on me so I have to be.. I do agree I live in a 3 ring circus and really always have. With my daughters last episode she came to me and asked me to take her to the hospital which I did. They kept her in the ER overnight because they did not have a bed anywhere in OC in the psych wards. The next day she text-ed me and said they were sending her home. She does not have insurance so I figured that was why so I called the nurse who assured me that was not the case. My daughter told me the nurse talked to her a long time and told her about himself, that he was her a few years back and how he almost lost everything from alcohol. He said AA didn't work but God did and he was able to get clean, save his marriage and go back to school and get his great job and how happy he was. This inspired her and the Dr told her that he felt she was not a threat and that she had the tools to be ok. So I picked her up against my better judgement. It has been almost 2 weeks and she has not had one drink. (she hasn't gone out) she started her new job, loves it and is doing great. She is even realizing how bad her ex boyfriend was for her. I am cautiously optimistic regarding her sobriety because we have been here before. As long as her friends don't encourage her to just go along with them she will be fine. I just know she can't stay home all the time and she is going to get board and then she will say "Oh i'm just going to go to lunch with (*&^&" and that will be her downfall because her friends do not support her because they don't understand she is an alcoholic. So again thank you for your comment and I appreciate your support. Please pray for me and my daughter.

Mar 08, 2012
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Time to act
by: Don

Okay...there is a ton of information I'd like to share with you, but right now I have to say - GET HELP! You need to be under the care of someone who knows how to help you detach from this three-ring circus and get emotionally stable.

Your fear of your daughter taking her life and the mention you made at the end of your post about taking a pill... and never dealing with anyone ever again is a BIG RED FLAG. Some part of you is crying out for help - GO GET IT!!

You cannot be in a position to be helpful to anyone else if you can't help yourself. Please call someone TODAY!

Don


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